Category Archives: Everyone needs a blowup Doll!

Aug 02 2017
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Because it's illegal to set people on fire, Drunk on Oreos and OJ, Everyone needs a blowup Doll!, GIVE ME AN STD!, I NEED A PROSTATE, I NEED AN STD!, If you stole my phone.., In my purse, My gift to you, My son is better than yours., My teapot kicks your teapot in the ass., Randumb, Support group needed, THE END., THIS.IS.SERIOUS., Uncategorized, We need a mail order slut, Yo.

Dumping Wednesday 

Ever feel like your phone is too HEAVY? Like you just need to flip it over and see what dumps out onto the floor? Yeah. Me too. 

Let’s see what would fall out of my phone if that was possible:

Oh! I just made this for dinner. This is a crunchy wrap. Filled with Avocado, rice, tomatoes, spinach, salsa, cheese, sautéed peppers and onions and whatever other leftovers I could find. So good. 

Ooooo! This one is a cute little Mom and Pop shop I found the other day. I love those! 

This is what it looked like yesterday when we went for a walk. Doooom! 

I’m “Medieval as fuck”, FYI. 

Yeah, I have a prescription… 

Ooo found this at the store the other day!! 

WhateverTheHellThisIs:




My app is mean to me:


LOL. I have some ridiculous stuff in my phone. It’s a good thing when I drop it, it isn’t actually capable of allowing all my weirdness fall out! 
Catriona 

OXOXOXOX

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Jul 31 2017
4 Comments
ASK CATRIONA, Because it's illegal to set people on fire, Bitches Be Trinppin', Broken Head, Drunk on Oreos and OJ, Emotions, Everyone needs a blowup Doll!, GIVE ME AN STD!, I NEED A PROSTATE, I NEED AN STD!, My gift to you, My son is better than yours., My teapot kicks your teapot in the ass., Randumb, Support group needed, Traveling Cupcakes, Uncategorized, We need a mail order slut, Yo.

Hold on to your trousers; I’m BACK!

After almost a year long hiatus, I’m BACK!

 

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You guys don’t know how much I have missed you. Without you I have had no place for my useless rambling to go! HA. Except at those in my direct vicinity. Heh. You’errrrrr Welcome, guys….

While I have stumbled back in the door here like some drunkin’ Salor,  HhhheeeeyyyyyYYYYYYY, I’ve also revived my twitter. So, STALK ME. 

HOW ARE YOU ALL? TELL ME! TELL ME! TELL MMMMEEEEE!

Just a quick update – Don’t worry. I will be Bach.

Catriona

XOXOXO

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Oct 20 2016
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Everyone needs a blowup Doll!, GIVE ME AN STD!, I NEED A PROSTATE, I NEED AN STD!, If you stole my phone.., My gift to you, My son is better than yours., My teapot kicks your teapot in the ass., Randumb, Support group needed, We need a mail order slut, Yo.

I am going to get arrested. 

I have lovingly named my tool of a next door neighbor “Sir Washed up Douch Bag”.  

Why?  Because Sir Douch is a retired cop in his 50’s who’s got an authority stick shoved so far up his ass that he cannot see past his Holier Than thou infested head.  As a result,  he thought it appropriate to scream and yell threats as well as vulgarities at my son. My son had done nothing  wrong.  Yeahhhh… I’m sure you can guess how that ended: I bolted from the screen porch I was watching from and was in front of Sir Douch within seconds; shut him down just as fast. His final threat being he was going to call the cops on me. I rebutted that I was already on the phone with the police (partially true). That left him staring at me for a second and then retreating.  

About 5 mins later I hear my door,  and guess who it is?  Sir Douch and Mrs. Douch.  He wanted to speak to my son. He was told to stay the hell away from my son.  He wanted me to know that he could still call the police.  I smiled real big,  leaned against the door,  and attempted to hand him my phone:”I think you should,  here you go.” Apparently my evil laughter upset his plans of scaring me,  and he and Mrs. Douch stormed off my porch.  

Now,  when he walks by he won’t even look at me because he tried the whole “intimate the woman with a mean stare” thing… aaaand found out I’m better at it.  That doesn’t keep him from glaring/staring at anyone on my porch. 

If he attempts at talking to my son again, I will surely be arrested. 

Don’t be a Washed Up Douch Bag, Internet. It gets you no where. 

Alright,  time for a dump.  Let’s see what we have.  Ready? 

This one I swear must be true:

Can I just say this one looks like a good time? 

Saw this tonight at Walmart. More disturbing than Walmart itself.  What in Hezmana is that?! 

Also found at Walmart today.  Seriously?? 

Since I brought them home they haven’t gotten along… At all… So,  when I walked into my room to see this… Shear terror. They must be plotting against us… I’m scared.  

I make the best Squash Lasagna! 

I’d apologize for this next one,  but it was one of you fools who sent this to me.  Hahaha ha! 

Seriously,  can someone tell me what in three Hells is going on here?!?!?! 

I will not apologize:

… Um… HAHAHAHAH A! 

Oh dear,  the crap you can find in my phone… Let’s go for one more:

Annnnnd I’m done.  Hahah.  

Until next time.  Love you all! 

Catriona 

XOXO

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Oct 01 2016
2 Comments
Everyone needs a blowup Doll!, GIVE ME AN STD!, I NEED A PROSTATE, I NEED AN STD!, If you stole my phone.., My gift to you, My son is better than yours., My teapot kicks your teapot in the ass., Support group needed, We need a mail order slut, Yo., You thought I was kidding.

Three Hells, It’s 4 am. Again.

You guys know I don’t sleep, right? Hahah.  I have no idea what to do with myself for the next hour so, I thought I would stop in and say helllloooooooo.

My hands are CRAZY itchy from handling a PANTLOAD of 80 year old photographs. Some of them I suspect, but have yet to confirm, are over 100 years old. Really, I should have been wearing gloves. I know, thank you for yelling at me through your screen. I heard you. But, seriously. Itchy. UGHHHHHHHH. You never know the things you are going to find when you are me. hahahah.

My son’s bookshelf couldn’t take the weight of the world (all of his books. Well not all. There are books everywhere) and collapsed. It’s death was not something we saw coming. So we are now walking around mountains of books, in several different rooms. Seriously. It’s a little ridiculous. What is also ridiculous is the rate in which my child devours books. And then wants to keep them… to read them again, and again. And by “ridiculous” I mean “just like his mother”. Damn genetics.

I really need to clean out my phone. The contents of my phone are like what you would imagine a toddler and a mad scientist sharing a desk and chair would be like. Yeah. That.

Lets see what’s in there. Shall we?

I’m just going to randomly grab some stuff and see what we get. Good thing I have no nudes. Of myself.

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Ha. Okay. I don’t even know where that one came from.

 

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Oh, that’s the sun set. Beautiful, no?

 

 

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Oh bloody hell. That’s awful. That was the LAST time I was sick. I was just about fully improved, but as you can see, I look like complete HELL from three weeks of some Being hovering over me in a black hood.

 

 

 

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Yeah. I don’t know. I also have no excuse.

 

 

 

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Truth. Always.

 

 

 

 

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And. Now, you know.

 

 

 

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Yeah. Who the hell knows.

 

 

 

Alright, lets go with one more…..

 

 

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Oh. That’s a keeper. Don’t instruct your phone to take multiple photos of you while you are making a crazy face, or you end up looking like one of those chicks making the Duck Face. I fucking hate Duck Face. I love that it rhymes with “Fuck Face”. Any way, I was making a crazy face because my frelling shoulder was falling asleep and the damn cat wouldn’t move without threat of claws in the eyeball. Good thing you guys already know I am completely out of my mind. ha.

I think that’s good for now. hahaha

Love you all

Catriona

xoxoxox

 

 

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May 20 2016
2 Comments
Broken Head, Emotions, Everyone needs a blowup Doll!, GIVE ME AN STD!, I NEED A PROSTATE, I NEED AN STD!, If you stole my phone.., My gift to you, My teapot kicks your teapot in the ass., Randumb, Support group needed, We need a mail order slut, Yo.

Fernando

I’ve got the worst headache,  EVER.

I’ve named him Fernando.

Fernando popped up around the time I started to deal with the lawyers,  and such.

It’s gotten to the point that I’m talking to him. Don’t worry,  I’m not hearing any answer, yet.

I’m  still awake because Fernando won’t shut up.

Let’s look through my phone and see if there’s anything that will take my mind of the horrid pain in my head, shall we?

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This is actually true. Hahah

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This one is also true.  Hahha.

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This just makes me laugh.

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That’s all for now.  Lol.
Fernando it picking at my eye.  So.  Ouch.  Sleep… Come. To.  Me.

Oxoxoxoxox
Catriona

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May 15 2016
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Broken Head, Drunk on Oreos and OJ, Emotions, Everyone needs a blowup Doll!, GIVE ME AN STD!, I NEED A PROSTATE, I NEED AN STD!, If you stole my phone.., In my purse, My gift to you, My teapot kicks your teapot in the ass., Randumb, We need a mail order slut, Yo.

2pm madness

I’m watching Farscape  (if you don’t know what that is,  we can’t be friends any more), I can’t sleep (surprise!).

Thought I wouldn’t….. Damn,  I just lost track of my frame of thought. 

Oh! I remember now,  I thought I would stop and say hello.

Maybe take a dump. The photo kind.  Let’s see what weird stuff I have going on in my phone,  shall we?

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#true

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Took this last week.

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Did you know?

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Annnnd this

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Hahaha! OK. I’m done.. And tired.

Xoxoox
Catriona

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Mar 13 2016
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Everyone needs a blowup Doll!, GIVE ME AN STD!, I NEED A PROSTATE, I NEED AN STD!, If you stole my phone.., My gift to you, My teapot kicks your teapot in the ass., Randumb, Support group needed, Uncategorized, We need a mail order slut, Yo.

This just happened to me

1526390_1178223882201757_2564496674198153068_nIt did. It just fuckin’ happened to me. I made that face, too.

Also. This didn’t happen to me, but it made me laugh. hahah

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That’s all. Carry on.

OXOXO

Catriona

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Mar 10 2016
4 Comments
Drunk on Oreos and OJ, Emotions, Everyone needs a blowup Doll!, If you stole my phone.., My gift to you, Over emotional, Randumb, Traveling Cupcakes, Uncategorized, Yo., You thought I was kidding.

I’m so Sexy !

Like, you have no idea!

LOOK AT ME!

Teejay Cupcake

I AM HOT!!!!! I can’t even take it.

@JustTeeJay drew this portrait of me a while ago, and since my brain is scattered I had not updated. But HERE I AM. Don’t I look better as I age?!

If you haven’t already seen her work, take a gander. It will BLOW YOU AWAY.

Click HERE! HERE! HERE! HERE! HERE! HERE! HERE! HERE! HERE! HERE! HERE!

To visit her page!

Seriously, you wont be sorry.

I have to go stare at myself now. I’m just too sexy for my own good.

OXOXOXOX

Catriona

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Mar 10 2016
5 Comments
Drunk on Oreos and OJ, Everyone needs a blowup Doll!, GIVE ME AN STD!, I NEED AN STD!, If you stole my phone.., My gift to you, My teapot kicks your teapot in the ass., Randumb, Support group needed, Uncategorized, We need a mail order slut, Yo., You thought I was kidding.

I think it’s time for a dump.

A photo dump,  that is.. Hahaha
Let’s see what weird crap is on my phone. ..

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Someone sent this to me and I think I laughed for an hour.

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I donno who Jose is,  but I must have liked his post.  Lmao

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Hahaha hah FYI!

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Oh,  I made this.  Hahah.  That’s my favorite of all my antique frames.

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The water and sunsets on this side,  are so,  so beautiful!

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Yep,  that lives in my phone.

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Yeah,  I went there.  This also lives in my phone.  And I laugh every time I see it.

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💚💚💚💚💚

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For the record here: I DID NOT intent to post this.  I knew it was in my phone,  but didn’t even see it when I went looking… Then my screen went black and it had populated here……   … Let’s just move along..

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Hahaha THIS.

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Annnnnnd there you have it.

I hope you all are well.  I miss you all.  I have not forgotten about you. I hope to have the time to post more and read more.  Some of the people I have met here have truly made a difference in my life,  and I am so grateful for all of you. Except you.  And Maybe you.  You know who you are.

So… Tell me how you all are!!!

Xoxoox
Catriona

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Sep 16 2015
5 Comments
Drunk on Oreos and OJ, Emotions, Everyone needs a blowup Doll!, GIVE ME AN STD!, I NEED A PROSTATE, I NEED AN STD!, My teapot kicks your teapot in the ass.

Madness. The Good kind.

HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII.

Have you missed me? I’ve missed you all.

Thought I would swing by to update!

We have reached our goal to move! We have in fact moved successfully! 

The move was a Horror Show. Like, whoa. It was just me, and one other person, occasionally. Thank the stars for the help towards the end. I would have never been able to do it all myself. Not only was moving a terror, we discovered that we were sharing our new living space with Hornets. A whole pant load of Hornets. The 5 foot bush in front of my porch was a condo for the entire hornet community in this part of the state, I swear. If that wasn’t enough, the apartment complex is undergoing major construction; like, Miley Cyrus has been here with her Wrecking Ball… and the very first day we moved in, our air conditioner was taken out, by mistake. ha.

But, it has all worked out – we are here. It’s beautiful. 🙂

Gram is happy, my kid started his new school, and all is well. 🙂

Thank you, to all of you that have helped us get here. You will be getting a some mail, soon. I’m still unpacking, and frankly I have no idea where my office supplies are, but I have not forgotten.

Along the way, the Universe seems to be making up for the Ridiculousness of the last few years. It seems to be sending me just what I need, often. Thank you for that Universe. I’m glad we are no longer fighting.

More later, I have to find the rest of my belongings in this horridly box filled room.

XOXOXOXO

Catriona

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