Tag Archives: comedy

May 10 2022
2 Comments
Completely retarded families, I NEED A PROSTATE, I NEED AN STD!, Important Safety Announcement, My son is better than yours., We need a mail order slut, Yo., You thought I was kidding.

Kid vs Metal Cactus

So. Mother’s day.

Imagine my confusion when I wake up to my Better Half describing a PUNCTURE WOUND surrounded by scratches in my kid’s arm. Better Half goes on to tell me that the night before the kid was at a friend’s and slipped. The arm is patched up, but looks deep. Goes on to tell me it was caused by a fall against metal cactus at the pool. Yeah, you read that correctly. I made better Half Half tell me twice because I thought for sure I’d smoked crack by mistake and was hearing word soup. Nope. Metal cactus by the pool.

All I could think of was allllllll the tetanus. All. Of. It.

I had so many questions.

I’m sorry, what? A real cactus would fuck up your day, but a metal one? That sounds like a great addition to a slippery area!! Fuck yeah, let’s put that bitch by the pool!! What? I. Ugh. How is that even pool themed?! What the actual hell. Who the actual fuck did that??

Needless to say I spent Mother’s day in Urgent care.  Stitches and a tetanus shot WOOOOO!

Kid 0 // Metal Cactus 1

Only my kid.

Catriona

XOXOXOX

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Sep 16 2015
5 Comments
Drunk on Oreos and OJ, Emotions, Everyone needs a blowup Doll!, GIVE ME AN STD!, I NEED A PROSTATE, I NEED AN STD!, My teapot kicks your teapot in the ass.

Madness. The Good kind.

HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII.

Have you missed me? I’ve missed you all.

Thought I would swing by to update!

We have reached our goal to move! We have in fact moved successfully! 

The move was a Horror Show. Like, whoa. It was just me, and one other person, occasionally. Thank the stars for the help towards the end. I would have never been able to do it all myself. Not only was moving a terror, we discovered that we were sharing our new living space with Hornets. A whole pant load of Hornets. The 5 foot bush in front of my porch was a condo for the entire hornet community in this part of the state, I swear. If that wasn’t enough, the apartment complex is undergoing major construction; like, Miley Cyrus has been here with her Wrecking Ball… and the very first day we moved in, our air conditioner was taken out, by mistake. ha.

But, it has all worked out – we are here. It’s beautiful. 🙂

Gram is happy, my kid started his new school, and all is well. 🙂

Thank you, to all of you that have helped us get here. You will be getting a some mail, soon. I’m still unpacking, and frankly I have no idea where my office supplies are, but I have not forgotten.

Along the way, the Universe seems to be making up for the Ridiculousness of the last few years. It seems to be sending me just what I need, often. Thank you for that Universe. I’m glad we are no longer fighting.

More later, I have to find the rest of my belongings in this horridly box filled room.

XOXOXOXO

Catriona

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May 03 2015
5 Comments
GIVE ME AN STD!, I NEED A PROSTATE, I NEED AN STD!

This one

Not much going on other than the mail man at the Post Office giving me the hairy eyeball when I came to the counter with an arm full of envelopes from CatrionaisCrazy.com.

“What’s this?” – Old Post guy

“Uh, um, a letter?” – Me

“You have a lot of them, what’s in them, and what’s this website?” – Old Post Guy

“It’s not drugs, I swear.” – Me

*From behind me* “CATRIONA!” – Gram

“Yes Gram?” – Me

“Are you sure there’s no drugs in all of these envelopes?” – Old Post guy

“YES, she is SURE.” – Gram

*Me to Gram* “How do YOU know?” – Me

“CATRIONA!” – Gram

“Ok, international stamps are required.” – Old Post Guy…….

BAHAHAHHAHAHA!

As we were walking out:

“I cannot believe you did that.” – Gram

*Giggle* – Me

“I take that back, I will not be attending the Post with you any more.” – Gram

“Well it really wasn’t drugs.” – Me

“CATRIONA!” – Gram

“Well it wasn’t!” – Me

“I cannot believe you.”-  Gram

“Yes you can.” – Me

My poor Gram. LMAO. 

XOXOXOOX

Catriona

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Sep 18 2013
13 Comments
My gift to you, My teapot kicks your teapot in the ass., Randumb, Support group needed, Warning: was made in a facility that uses clowns, We need a mail order slut, Yo., You thought I was kidding.

I heart me some clowns. HARD.

Don’t judge me. Jerks.

I’ve always loved clowns. And masks for that matter; but that’s a whole separate subject (obsession?). When I was a child my room was filled with clowns of all types. From creepy to adorable, I had a room full of terror for those with a phobia – which I never understood (tho I really don’t understand phobias like should anyway, I suspect. I have none and don’t get it). I remember some of my friends screamed and ran from my room upon first visit. So worth it. hah. Ahhhhhhh Childhood.

Annnny way, if you follow my twitter of facebook you’d know I’m so completely enthralled by the UK clown. The Northampton clown has so many people’s nickers in a bunch that I almost can’t take it. Flippin’ hilarious. Oh and NOW there’s a “Clown catcher” dressed as a super hero. He goes out at night in hopes of catching the clown. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!! Some times the universe comes thru for me entertainment wise; I could just hug it for this tremendous gift. ahahahahaha.

Twitter is blowing up with reactions – both good and bad. I’ve been so busy watching the action I haven’t done a damn thing that could be considered productive. Look it up on twitter, I dare you: #Northhamptonclown. You will be amused. Or scared to death. One of those.

Sorry for the poorly written post -I’ve gotta get back to the clown watch. stat.

Catriona

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