Coming soon!
I mean really most of my thoughts probably should be password protected, anyway. Let’s. Be. Real.
If you are interested in accessing these posts email me WTFCS@Catrionaiscrazy.com. No need for small talk if you don’t want. You can literally just type “Password”; I’m just wanting to put some boundaries up in my physical life.
Catriona
XOXOXO
Fungus gnats are the worst. I want to burn my whole house down and start over. Is that an option? I’ve treated evvvery plant I own. I don’t want to admit how many that is.
The funny part about the kittens I adopted what the rescue named the male: Leopold. Who the hell even thinks of such a name these days? Me. Me, that’s who. I do. That’s a name I would have chosen, lol. I didn’t know his name when I told the rescue I wanted him. When she handed me the paperwork, I laughed so hard. Welp, that was meant to be. I would have named him Mr. Humphries, so Leopold tracks. Don’t look at me like that. At least I didn’t name him Wilberforce.
Mr. Leopold Humphries is at the vet with my better half because the whole adoption process was sketchy as hell, and they are smaller than I think they should be. I wanted them checked out as soon as possible. Plus, Leopold’s eye looks irritated. Do you hear that sound? It’s real loud. It’s the sound of me hemorrhaging money. I don’t even want to talk about the HUGE kitten cage I am waiting on and how much that cost. Totally not sorry. These kittens are wayyyyyy younger than the rescue told me. They are so tiny. So, so tiny. I have dogs, these kittens need to be protected until they can protect themselves when I am not home. (Annnnnd it was just confirmed from the vet that they are so much younger than I was told. WTF people. Eh, just more justification of the crazy amount of money I spend on a catio lololol).
I guess I should thank the Universe. It gave me what I wanted for the first time in a while. I wonder if that means the coming year is going to be better than the last 5. lol. One can hope, right?
I made salad for breakfast because I couldn’t decide what I wanted, so of course that meant salad. I need to go shopping, ugh. There’s that sound again.
Rando blurry photo of my coffee cup. Isn’t it pretty?
But the real beauty is the coaster:
I guess I should get ready for work. Ugh, pants. I hate pants.
Catriona
XOXOXOX
Trigger Warning Made in a facility that processes death.
I lost my Mom, my cat, and my dog within 5 months. All three of them had been with me for decades. Don’t look at me like that. I’ve been alive longer than I had my mom. When my cat died (her sister having died about a year prior) I decided that I didn’t want another cat unless it was a Maine Coon. Since I am cheap, I knew damn well that wasn’t happening anytime soon. They are thousands.
A few days ago, in the pet store for dog treats, I looked up and saw a Maine Coon looking Kitten. When I got closer it was exactly what I wanted. He looked mixed but was huge for his age. His sister was also available, she was tiny. Of course, better half fell in love with the tiny one. I immediately wanted the male. I followed the directions posted: go to the website, fill out application on the cat you want, bla bla. He wasn’t listed. So, I sent a text to the organization just asking if he was available and just thought: Well, I will leave it up to the Universe.
Well, the Universe had plans for sure. I was interested in one kitten. But, within the hour of making contact with the rescue, I was headed home with two. I fuckkkkkked up. Fuck me running.
Send help. LOL.
Catriona
XOXOXO
It’s 5pm and I am only now just starting my day. Working night shift …..hold on, I have to fix my dog’s beloved treat windmill………….Sorry. LMAO.
Working night shift is rough but I’m not sure I could go back to days. Or even 8 hour days. How do you guys do that? ughhhh.
Some of my coworkers bought me the most beautiful birthday cake. Annnnnnd I’m eating it for breakfast.
I should be doing school work, butttttttt I’m not. LOL.
Catriona
XOXOXOX
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After Phoenix died I was a mess. I just didn’t know it.
A close friend told me I needed to go find another dog, stat. I thought she was nuts. But, morning after morning I looked over the bedside before I put my foot down so I didn’t step on a dog that wasn’t there. I moved to the side in the hallway, for a dog that wasn’t there, I constantly looked for a dog that wasn’t there, and left the bedroom door open for a dog that just wasn’t there. The list goes on, and on, and on.
So, I looked on all the sites, and hated every one of them. They were all cute. But, they weren’t mine. Months went by. Then I saw a photo, and even though he was in a different state and wayyyyy more money than I would have liked to spend, I immediately knew I would be taking him home. My better half immediately agreed, and later paid for him because they couldn’t stand how broken I was.
We drove to Georgia, and he wasn’t exactly what the breeder said he was. But, in the end, that is ok.
Atlas
Atlas & Randle
If you are asking yourself: “Is that..?” yep, it is. That is indeed a Malinois. At the time, I wasn’t looking at the breed, I was looking at his face.
I guess it is on brand for me. lol. My dogs are always big, and kinda dangerous. The fact that they named him Atlas is also funny given my love for antique maps.
He’s currently tell me it is time to go outside, soooooo ……..
Catriona
XOXOXOX
WordPress says today is my 11 year anniversary of being here. Weird.
I’m a long way away from 11 years-ago-me. HA.
I also made the spiciest paster evvvver tonight. I’m glad It way just for me. I don’t think my family would have survived. bahahaha.
Also. I covered my Mom’s room with coke. So. There is that.
That is all.
XOXOXOX
Catriona
(Trigger Warning – allll the suicided)
Several months ago I stepped down from my position and moved departments. Took a pay cut.
The department I was in was so toxic. We are talkin’ daily verbal and professional assault. It was fuckin’ terrible. It was really hard to let go of my people, the team I built from the ground up. It was hard to give up and walk away. I spent three years being a buffer for these people. Helping them navigate a pandemic. Keeping them out of harms way and taking the punches. I just couldn’t do it anymore. The burnout is real.
I moved to the ICU in a lesser position. It’s been an experience, for sure. I have been in a supervisor role for so long that being in a role where I have no say in anything was refreshing and fucking weird. The people I work for and with are fantastic. I’d follow them to hell and back, so having no control is fine with me. They are so kind. I’m grateful for the break.
I worked really closely with ICU for years so the move wasn’t really a big change other than the work environment improved 100%. They asked for me, and I’m so glad they did. Because, I don’t know that I would have moved on my own. I loved the team I built and feared what would happen when I left (turns out everything I feared unfolded about a week after I transferred. Ugh).
May is their birthday week. It’s also our anniversary month. While at work, one of the ICU nurses that I work closely with asked me a question that I answered truthfully. It led to me giving a quick synopsis of their suicide and the aftermath. The nurse, Jon, spun around and looked me in the eyes and said: “Wow, what a douchebag”. When I say I laughed, oh my stars. That’s the first time I’ve had that reaction from someone. I laughed and replied “Yeah, a little”. Jon started to apologize. I was still laughing. Truthfully, it was a welcome response. Had it been 5 years ago this would have put me in mental choke hold. I explained that, and that he had no reason to be sorry. I then explained that for the most part, they didn’t have a choice in their thoughts or actions; I told Jon the diagnosis. I will never forget his response. Never. Because it was the first time anyone had ever completely understood the situation. He locked eyes with me and said “So, they blamed you then. They left a note blaming you didn’t they?”. The world spun. It fuckin’ spun for the first time in a while. I’d never told anyone. Jon went on to say something to the effect of (don’t quote me here my brain was coming to a full stop at this point): “people with that diagnosis, their chemicals are all messed up and they blame the spouse.” I’d never had anyone understand the situation, or connect the dots so completely like that. I never had anyone point this out. I don’t think I knew this was common.
He had no idea what he did for my soul that day. She did leave a note. She did blame me. I blamed me. I blame me even though I know logically it wasn’t in my hands.
It’s true that ICU is a different animal. Apparently it’s the one I didn’t even know I needed.
XOXOX
Catriona
I’ve been trying to get into the Holiday spirt. It’s not working.
Here’s some photos of me faking it. LOL.
XOXOX
Catriona