Uh. wait. No. Not like that. I’ll just have to wash it again.
I have no issues washing cloths. But folding it and putting it way is just fucking stupid.
Ugh. Maybe I will hire a maid, but just for the laundry.
Ugh. My power just went out. My battery back up will only last for another 10 mins. Damn storm.
HA!! WAIT. I DON’T HAVE TO DO LAUNDRY NOW. Fuck yeah.
Catriona
XOXOX
Of course my kid would choose and get accepted to a private college, out of state.
Offfffff course it would cost 40k a year. Of course. Even with the college fund and my savings – it’s a four year program. sigh (that’s after the massive scholarship).
Maybe I should learn to make penis socks.
Stand on the corner maybe? I think I’m too old to get on the pole.
I never asked my kid’s bio father for child support. Man am I kicking myself now. Kidding. Fucking that.
Even if I kick the bucket right now, my life insurance would only cover two years of school. LOL
What if I start an OnlyFans of me sitting in the backyard reading aloud nineteenth-century literature? Because really I feel like that’s all I am capable of.
To the back yard I go!
Catriona
XOXOXO
Books?
Dirty socks?
Porn?
Penis socks? OH MY STARS, IF IT ISSSSSS PENIS SOCKS I WANT TO SEEEEEEEEE!
Can you guess what’s under my bed?
Did you guess Ramen?
NO? Well you obviously don’t have kids pftttt.
This is parenting. Duh.
Catriona
XOXOXOX
Ok. No. No, it doesn’t. And even if it did they would be unhappy when they got here.
But real talk – lookit this cup I found at the thrift store!
I think we paid $3.00 for it. I finally googled the signature after weeks of wondering where I could find another. Warmsssss my handssssssssss.
Turns out this is a piece from a company here in the US. Clay In Motion. It’s literally called the “Handwarmer Mug”. lol.
This is not paid advertising, hahah. I just realllly love this mug and they are a family owned company. We all know how I feel about that. So. Click here for their Amazon, click here for their Etsy (Don’t, go to to there actual site or Amazon. Etsy jacked their fees up so, understandably, prices are high over there), and here is their main site.
Cup for my fingers. That is all.
Catriona
XOXOXO
So. Mother’s day.
Imagine my confusion when I wake up to my Better Half describing a PUNCTURE WOUND surrounded by scratches in my kid’s arm. Better Half goes on to tell me that the night before the kid was at a friend’s and slipped. The arm is patched up, but looks deep. Goes on to tell me it was caused by a fall against metal cactus at the pool. Yeah, you read that correctly. I made better Half Half tell me twice because I thought for sure I’d smoked crack by mistake and was hearing word soup. Nope. Metal cactus by the pool.
All I could think of was allllllll the tetanus. All. Of. It.
I had so many questions.
I’m sorry, what? A real cactus would fuck up your day, but a metal one? That sounds like a great addition to a slippery area!! Fuck yeah, let’s put that bitch by the pool!! What? I. Ugh. How is that even pool themed?! What the actual hell. Who the actual fuck did that??
Needless to say I spent Mother’s day in Urgent care. Stitches and a tetanus shot WOOOOO!
Kid 0 // Metal Cactus 1
Only my kid.
Catriona
XOXOXOX
Uh. I don’t know how I did it. I’ve literally done this process a million times.
But, I did indeed glue myself to the cat.
sigh. How is everyone else’s Saturday? LOLOL
Catriona
XOXOXO
Ummmmmmmmmmmmm
I. Um. Well.
That moment you go read the blog of someone who liked your post, only to find that they, um. They must not be familiar with your blog. Like, this person must have just been randomly clicking to drum up their views because I can assure you from their page…..uh, they um. Would not like me. LMAO.
I clicked on their page and immediately was like “OOOOhhhhh I have taken a wrong turn. WRONG TURN!” lololol and then I thought “What the hell are YOU doing on my page?” Hahahah.
But, for the record all are safe here.
Well. I mean. If you are a pedo or a racist you aren’t, but everyone else for the most part. LOLOL.
So just as a reminder: #BLM #LoveIsLove #DontBeAnAssHole
Catriona
XOXOXO
I’m killing time at Whole Foods. Spoiler Alert: I do not look like I belong here. lol
I have to go to the pet store annnnnnd it doesn’t open until 9am. My Poptart needs worms.
I am trying to be good and didn’t get coffee. I grabbed some Peach Ginger Pear Tea Weirdness and am sitting here trying to be patient. BUT MY TEA IS PISSING ME OFF. The bags have these cute little leafs instead of squares. BUT THEY ARE DRIPPING.
MY FUCKING LEAFS ARE DRIPPPPPPINGGGGGGG.
My stars, that picture is huge. Eh Screw it.
I guess I am off to get worms.
Catriona
XOXOXO
AAHAHAHAHAHAH. I am done for today. I. AM. SO. AMUSED.
So, earlier I was standing at my stove waiting for my water to boil while eating a left over quesadilla. I get this, like, shock to my entire jaw when I first bite into food. It’s so painful. It’s been that way as long as I can remember. Howevvvvvvver that’s not saying much as we all know my memory. Annnyyyyyywayyyyy. It suddenly hit me that maybe its not normal? LOL. Everyone feels like they’re getting punched in the face every time they eat, right? RIGHT?!
Turns out, nope. Nope, everyone does not feel like they are getting punch in the face when they eat. Ok, but that’s not the part that caught my attention (wait for it). So I looked it up. It’s called “first bite syndrome” (wait for it. Also, accurate naming doctor people, great job). It’s damage, usually as a complication to surgery, to the sympathetic innervation of the parotid gland leading to parasympathetic overactivity (waaaaaait for it). It can also be caused by tumors. Getting First bite syndrome is apparently very rare (wait for it). However, have no fear there are treatments!
THERE IT IS! BOTULINUM. hahahaha I’m dead. Offfff Course that’s that answer. That is enough of the interwebs for me.
XOXOXOX
Catriona
Whoooooa. I didn’t expect the response I got from you all when I popped back on here. LOL. I opened my email, and my messages to such lovely notes. HUGS. Thank you for that. It was needed. Seriously.
Did anyone else read “Titties” when reading my last tittle? No? It’s just me? Oh well. Every time I see it I find myself thinking “My titties never match my content? What? Oh. HA. duh.”
For the love of coffee, the new format for WordPress and these “Blocks” shenanigans are rather annoying. I need to mess with it more because my stars is it pissing me off. Or, maybe it’s the lack of coffee. Yeah. It’s the lack of coffee.
Oh look a new block.
AND ANOTHER ONE!
“Type / to choose a block” BITCH WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TELLING ME WHAT TO DO!? Yeah. It’s definitely the lack of coffee.
Wait. Hold on. Maybe theses blocks and I can be friends; A few clicks and you guys can see all the weird shit in my google photos. Aren’t you lucky? hahah.
Alright. Well. I have to take one of the kids to the dentist. So, pants. I guess.
Catriona XOXOX