I was looking in the “Mother’s Day gifts” section in Etsy.com …..and I found this:
See it HERE
I think I need it. hahahah. I was looking for something for Grams, but I need a tentacle ring! LMAO.
The things I find, Bahahaha.
Catriona
CatrionaIsCrazy
Botulism doesn't pay the bills.
Category Archives: We need a mail order slut
I NEED A PROSTATE! *Edit
omg, OMG, O.M.G You will never guess what I stumbled upon, OMG!!!!!!
I was looking for a Pick Punch, and do you know what I found? DO YOU?! I.JUST.CANNOT.EXPLAIN.HOW.EXCITED.I.AM.
I NEED A PROSTATE! NNNEEEEeeeeeeeeEEEEEEDDDDDDDDD!
and a testicle, and an ovary, and a Mammary gland! I NEED TO HAVE THEM ALL!
I’m almost, almost as excited as when I discovered STDs! ALMOST.
HOW DID I NOT KNOW ABOUT THESES! WHAT THE HELL!? I NEED A TESTICLE! I need a testicle to go with alllll the STDs I will one day have!
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.
GIVE ME A PROSTATE!
BAHAHAHAHAHAHH!
I’m off to buy a prostate.
Catriona
Super Balls aren’t for me.
I’ve been watching Doctor Who for hours. Superbowl, bla!
I’ve avoided FB and Twitter all night – for fear of being Super Balled. Doesn’t sound very pleasant, does it?
While avoiding taking a Ball to the eye, I’ve been tooling around on WordPress. You know what I’ve found? THIS:
Those are the search engine terms from the last few days, for my blog. Bahahahah!
“Are Craiglist Whores Crazy?” hahahah! People actually search for that? REALLY? Gosh, I love people. So, amusing.
“Penis Spam Eat” – Wait, what?!
Man, I need to start blogging about puppies, and cotton candy, or something. LMAO Yeahhhhhhh, we know that’s not going to happen.
Gosh, I’m tired. Ugh.
Good Night my friends, I hope you haven’t gotten Super Balled, too hard.
Catriona
Coulrophobia and Honey Holes (Caution: Clowns ahead)
Can you say the word “Coulrophobia”?
Cuzz I can’t. Nope.
I can read it, I can spell it, I even know what it means! Buttttt I cannot verbalize it with out sounding like I just woke up, still drunk from a hot-mess-of-a-week-long-binge.
If you are unfamiliar with the the word; it’s an extreme fear of Clowns. I can’t tell you the statistics on Coulrophobia (I can tell you that Auto correct doesn’t like the word at all. Maybe it suffers from Coulrophobia?… ), but I can tell you more often than not – people react negativity when faced with even the image of a clown. I should know, my childhood bedroom was completely covered, right down to the bedspread, in clowns. (That bedspread had ruffles, like, A LOT of ruffles, btw. I friggen hated ruffles, but somehow is was totally ok because it was clown themed.) Reactions are fascinating, especially to clowns. More people went running in terror from my childhood bedroom then they do now. hahaha. . and that’s saying something.. Bahahahahah…
Is it just me, or are more people getting rid of more clown stuff, at a faster rate, than they ever used to? I looooove thrift shops, and I have to say I have seen more second hand clown items pop up in shops within the last year, then EVER before. I look for clown stuff…so, yeah, I’d know. Hhahahaha It’s too bad I don’t decorate with clown items as much as I used to. haha.
Side note* – have you ever been writing at your desk, just mindlessly jamming out to a random song, when alllllll of a sudden you realize the lyrics of said song are a grown man purring about “licking a loli pop” annnnnnnnd you come to a FULL stop? No? Well, that just happen to me. haa. I hate when lyrics kill a perfectly good beat.
Clowns are all over these days. The Northampton Clown has a book out (wow), and there’s some gun wielding clown now (I’m not surprised, are you?), and that’s not even the half of it. I confess.. I just can’t get enough. I recently stumbled upon darkclowns.blogspot.com, crazy interesting. All sorts of tid bits that will make you wanna pee your pants (if you suffer from Coulrophobia that is). Ha…..
Oh my stars! I have to interrupt this crazy Clown rambling to tell you that I have been on the phone with my boss for almost 20 mins, and within those 20 mins she has used the phrase “Honey Hole” AT LEASE 7 times, YES I was counting, and OH MY STARS IT HAS TAKEN ALL I HAVE NOT TO BURST INTO LAUGHTER. BAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH! She just said it again! BAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAH! Does she not hear herself?! OMG someone please, PLEASE send this woman a link to Urban Dictionary, STAT! I am trying so, SO hard to keep a straight face and serious tone. BAHAHAHAHAHAH! She Just said it again. IS SHE MESSING WITH ME?! She has got to be messing with me. AHAHAHAHAHA! Holy CRAP BATMAN! She actually just uttered the sentence: “Well, we are all after the Honey Hole” OMG SERIOUSLY?! Is she drunk? She’s got to be drunk! FUCK, AM I DRUNK?! I cannot take it. She is as serious as she could be, just working that into the convo. I have a whole new respect for this chick. “It’s my job to help you find your Honey Hole.” OH, OH wow. No joke, that was just said to me. I have spent this whole convo with my hand clamped firmly over my mouth trying, desperately, not to laugh in her eye. Oh man, I’m so glad that’s over. ahaha wow. Just, wow.
I want to take this time to thank my bladder. Thank you bladder, for being stronger than I give you credit for. I surely would have peed myself, had you been as weak as I tell people you are. For realz. Peed. Myself. In. Laughter. So, thank you blatter for being there for me. I’ll try to treat you better going forward.
I am completely in awe of that convo, and am unable to continue to ramble about Clowns. HAHHA. I cannot even go back and proof read. You will have to just. Deal.
BAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!
Honey Hole!
Catriona
Kiss me WHERE?!
Well hello, peoples! How are you? How have you been? Good? Bad? Join any cults while I was gone? (No, I’m not down to join. Just, No.) Anything exciting happen while I’ve been away?! Do tell!
What have I been doing, you ask? Nothing really. Just painting my nails. What? I could be a compulsive nail painter, you don’t know. Or, I could be that chick who drinks nail polish (seriously, have you seen that? WHOA). Hahha! Maybe that’s how I’ll call out of work tomorrow; “Sorry, I drank a bad bottle of nail polish, I’m not feeling very well….” I mean, I do call out “Dead” sometimes, soooo….Hmmm.
Have you ever actually read the names of your favorite nail polishes? Seriously, you should. Go do it right now. I just went and found mine a second ago as I was giving you all a hard time about judging me for being a compulsive nail painter, annnnnnnnd it’s hilarious. Wait till you see the names and colors:
This is “Kiss me here”…
Now, wait a min, kiss me WHERE? WHAT!? That there is GREY. Where, WHERE are you going to kiss me that is gonna be GREY?! WTF? Hahahahaha! Unless, of course I’m deceased, or diseased. In that case YOU have some serious flippin’ issues for wanting to kiss me ANYWHERE. SICKO! WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU!? UGH. Some people.
This is “Spit Fire”.
Makes much more sense than that first one. I have nothing witty to say. Sorry.
Hhahaha.
That’s what my nail polish says about me: Kiss me here, Spit Fire.
What’s yours say? Hahhaahah Seriously, I wanna know.
Catriona
* I would like you all to know that when I typed in “Grey” into the Tags box, “Teal and grey Molesters” populated automatically…um…hmmm… While I am sure this means something to someone…..It’s still a very creepy mental image to have without warning. .
Free Porn is having a hard time loading my page.
Um. What the hell did I just write?
Free Porn is having a hard time loading my page.
I’m sorry Free Porn. I’m not sure why you, of all people, are having an issue loading my page. I hope you really did check back later. I also hope you aren’t having any more loading issues.
We’re still pals tho, right?
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HELLO PEOPLE! How are all you loopy fuckers?!
It’s been crazy at my house. Been workin’ an junk. That and, you know, screwing off. Hhahah. Nothing really exciting, just working a lot and screwing off. Shit. I think I just said that… Maybe no one will notice? Ahahaha! I’m suffering a bit from sleep deprivation. It’s alright tho cuzz sleep deprivation can be hilarious. Completely amusing at times. Well, maybe it’s only amusing because I’m sleep deprived? Sleep deprivation can be useful. Shit. How many times have I said ‘sleep deprivation’……?….I’m sure no one will notice. There is one thing for sure – there isn’t anything more funny at 2:30 in the morning.. than Pussycorns. Ohhh yeah, you read that correctly. Be glad I don’t have your phone numbers people, because when I get crazy tired – I do things like harass my friends with horrid FB stickers. .
The blue is me…..
Yeah, people. Be glad your aren’t on my contact list. That was the night I realized FB had horrible stickers. This is only part of the convo…I think I went on and on….hahaha. I was so tried and so amused with my friend’s responses that I think I might have pulled something laughing.
Seriously. Pulled. Something. Laughing.
Friggen Pussycorns.
Gosh, I have such ridiculous crap in my phone. I just went looking for something and ..instead found…
THIS.
WHAT. THE. HELL?
and REALLY – I have no idea why this is in my phone…..Sleep deprivations, I tell ya…..
Horrifying.
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Now, this one I do remember.
You’re welcome.
Hahahahah! Did you miss me? LMAO. You know you did.
I need to go lay down, and try to refrain from spamming my friends with terrifying FB stickers. .
Catriona
Stuff my stocking…
I’ve been thinking extensively about the coming holidays (boobs).
I just love the holidays (boobs).
When I think about the holidays – I think of family, good food, beautiful atmosphere, hand crafted gifts, and crazy relatives being complete and just utter jackholes (boobs).
I’m so far behind in the whole Xmas shopping/making things, thing. That’s almost unheard of for me. I need to get on that shit, like, stat.
You know, I’ve received some pretty epic holiday gifts over the years. Some …wayyyyy more ridiculous than others. For example – several years ago Santa left this, and only this, in my stocking….
Do you know what this is?
Hint: it’s not a scoop of ice cream.
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Still not sure?
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Yeah. That’s right. Santa gave me boobs for Christmas. A brand new pair of boobs.
He’s so flippin’ thoughtful.
He really does know everything about me!
I mean, I know I have the chest of an 11 year old boy, I’m good with that. But I was unaware that Santa had boobdar in his arsenal of special skills.
I keep them in my dresser next to that ugly sweater you gave me. I’ve never actually used my boobs for anything other than Halloween, but I love the fact that I have boobs, in my drawers.
What kinds of weird items has Santa given you guys? I think I need to know.
Catriona
Beeping Beeper
Son – “Mom, mom. There’s beeping in my room.”
Coffee Fiend – “What?”
Son – “Beeping. THERE’S BEEPING.”
Coffee Fiend – “Beeping?”
Son – “BEEPING. I. can’t. sleep. with. the. annoying. BEEPING.”
Coffee Fiend – “Ok, ok. Let’s go.”
Son – “THE BEEPING.”
Coffee Fiend – “Yes, yes lets go find it.”
Son – “Kill it.”
Coffee Fiend – “Not a problem dear. I generally kill things that wake me at 4:30am, anyway.”
Son – *Giggles*
So, I stumbled out of bed and out of my room to find the beeping. It was my office. My friggen office was beeping at 4:30am. My battery backup was having a friggen seizure. Sigh.
I killed the beeper, my child cheered, and I stumbled back to my room…only to come horrifyingly close to stepping in the largest pile of dog puke I’ve ever seen. (You know you wanted to know that last part.)
Beeping and dog puke. That’s all I got people.
Oh. OH, OH. No, No no no! I have something else. Something exciting:
I have COLORED googly eyes!! oooooooooooyea
Heh.
Catriona
Oh the smell…….
I’ve had my windows open for days.
Today, I woke up to the smell of someone using their wood stove. The air was crisp and for a moment, before I opened my eyes, I thought I was home. It was wonderful until the dog chased the cat into the room, onto the bed, and over my head in a flurry of tails and claws. .
October is almost over, sigh. It’s my favorite month.
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OH and before I forget! DO NOT EAT THE MONOPOLY GUMMIE CANDY.
Just don’t do it.
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Yeah, that’s all I got. I’ve sort of forgotten what I came here to write about. …
Catriona
There is a bad taste in there.
Yeah, in my mouth.
Bad, bad taste.
Apple Cider.
It’s my favorite, FAVORITE beverage of Autumn. If, IF it doesn’t taste like it was poured into your glass via someone’s unhealthy rectum.
(I keep hearing “Rectum? Damn near killed em!” playing in my head over and over, just fyi.)
This right here, this was terrible. I don’t even know how to explain just how awful this was.
You know you like my glasses, BTW. I adore these, they’re my favorite.
I wish I lived in a state that I could get fresh, nonrectum tasting Apple cider. Sigh. Is that too much to ask?
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Today hasn’t been too eventful.
It’s nice and cool here, I was able to open the windows. My cats are over the moon.
Annnnnd say hello to Pie. Pie will be in the oven tomorrow, to make, well you know, pie.
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That’s all I got people. I’m irritated and tired and all sorts of under caffeinated. I need to……….hold on my son is making a suggestion…………………Hahhah He says you should all see my necklace…..
He gave it to me several years ago for Mother’s day. It’s a locket. It says “I love you mom” inside. 🙂
He’s so funny. Anyway, there you go. Bad apple cider, cats, and a child with good taste in jewelry.
Catriona