Category Archives: We need a mail order slut

Aug 31 2024
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Because it's illegal to set people on fire, Bitches Be Trinppin', Broken Head, Broken Post, Everyone needs a blowup Doll!, GIVE ME AN STD!, Hahaha she said "Pole!", I NEED A PROSTATE, I NEED AN STD!, If you stole my phone.., Randumb, Shit I found in my Drafts, We need a mail order slut, Yo.

*Unfinished Draft* So back to the pole idea

I have so many entries in my drafts that I start and then forget to finish. Here’s one, and in true Catriona fashion, I’m going to publish it. I’m just not going to finish it. lol

I met with the financial advisor for my Kid’s school.

Federal loans will only help about 4k a semester with two semesters a year.

I will have to take out a loan to the tune of $158,000.

Now granted this includes food (bare min) and dorm.

My better half and and I are kicking around the idea of buying a really crappy trailer and upgrading it to a tiny home with no frills so that all our cash flow can go towards college. I’m not against the idea. my only concern is my old dog. She’s 80lb and not small. I don’t know how comfortable of a life that would be for her. She deserves a comfortable retirement. With the amount of work she has put into this family, she deserves it. So, I’m a little apprehensive about that. I’ve looked into the solar options, I can set it up to monitor and alarm for dangerous temperatures while I’m away. I guess I just worry.

Catriona

XOXOXOX

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Aug 30 2024
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Because it's illegal to set people on fire, Bitches Be Trinppin', Everyone needs a blowup Doll!, GIVE ME AN STD!, Hahaha she said "Pole!", I NEED A PROSTATE, I NEED AN STD!, My gift to you, Support group needed, Traveling Cupcakes, Warning: was made in a facility that uses clowns, We need a mail order slut, Yo.

Was it something I said?

Browsing through blogs here, when I find a new one/first post, I usually comment “Welcome!”.

I did that yesterday on a rando as I was reading blogs. The person replied asking how I found their site, and then promptly deleted their blog. What the what? Mkay sketchball. LOL

I wasn’t even being creepy, this time! I was just being nice, commmmmme backkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!

Bahahhaha what the hell, people.

Catriona

XOXOXOX

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Aug 29 2024
Because it's illegal to set people on fire, Catriona's Secret Club, Everyone needs a blowup Doll!, GIVE ME AN STD!, I NEED A PROSTATE, I NEED AN STD!, Randumb, Support group needed, THIS.IS.SERIOUS., We need a mail order slut, Yo., You thought I was kidding.

Catriona’s Secret Club

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Aug 29 2024
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Because it's illegal to set people on fire, Broken Head, Broken Post, Completely retarded families, Crap I don't want to talk about, crap I found in my drafts, Drunk on Oreos and OJ, Emotions, Everyone needs a blowup Doll!, GIVE ME AN STD!, Give me the info, Hahaha she said "Pole!", I NEED A PROSTATE, I NEED AN STD!, I never cry, If you stole my phone.., Important Safety Announcement, In my purse, Just a Reminder, multiple choice, My gift to you, My sadness is no weakness., My teapot kicks your teapot in the ass., Over emotional, Over emotional appliances, Randumb, Shhhhhhhhhh!, Shitty Friends, Support group needed, Tell me all the things, THIS.IS.SERIOUS., Traveling Cupcakes, Trigger Warning, Warning: was made in a facility that uses clowns, We need a mail order slut, Yo., You thought I was kidding.

Atlas

After Phoenix died I was a mess. I just didn’t know it.

A close friend told me I needed to go find another dog, stat. I thought she was nuts. But, morning after morning I looked over the bedside before I put my foot down so I didn’t step on a dog that wasn’t there. I moved to the side in the hallway, for a dog that wasn’t there, I constantly looked for a dog that wasn’t there, and left the bedroom door open for a dog that just wasn’t there. The list goes on, and on, and on.

So, I looked on all the sites, and hated every one of them. They were all cute. But, they weren’t mine. Months went by. Then I saw a photo, and even though he was in a different state and wayyyyy more money than I would have liked to spend, I immediately knew I would be taking him home. My better half immediately agreed, and later paid for him because they couldn’t stand how broken I was.

We drove to Georgia, and he wasn’t exactly what the breeder said he was. But, in the end, that is ok.

Atlas

Atlas & Randle

If you are asking yourself: “Is that..?” yep, it is. That is indeed a Malinois. At the time, I wasn’t looking at the breed, I was looking at his face.

I guess it is on brand for me. lol. My dogs are always big, and kinda dangerous. The fact that they named him Atlas is also funny given my love for antique maps.

He’s currently tell me it is time to go outside, soooooo ……..

Catriona

XOXOXOX

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Jan 12 2024
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Because it's illegal to set people on fire, Crap I don't want to talk about, Everyone needs a blowup Doll!, GIVE ME AN STD!, Hahaha she said "Pole!", I NEED A PROSTATE, I NEED AN STD!, We need a mail order slut, Yo.

Someone come take the tree down.

I don’t want to.

I’ve been up all night. 🤷🏽

Cooked eggs. What did you guys do?

Looks like an abstract painting. Lol

If you’ve never used this seasoning, you should.

That is all.

Catriona

XOXOX

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Sep 29 2023
4 Comments
Emotions, GIVE ME AN STD!, Give me the info, We need a mail order slut, Yo.

11 Years

WordPress says today is my 11 year anniversary of being here. Weird.

I’m a long way away from 11 years-ago-me. HA.

I also made the spiciest paster evvvver tonight. I’m glad It way just for me. I don’t think my family would have survived. bahahaha.

Also. I covered my Mom’s room with coke. So. There is that.

That is all.

XOXOXOX
Catriona

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May 19 2023
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ASK CATRIONA, Broken Head, Emotions, GIVE ME AN STD!, I NEED A PROSTATE, I NEED AN STD!, My sadness is no weakness., Support group needed, Trigger Warning, We need a mail order slut, Yo.

Douchebag

(Trigger Warning – allll the suicided)

Several months ago I stepped down from my position and moved departments. Took a pay cut.

The department I was in was so toxic. We are talkin’ daily verbal and professional assault. It was fuckin’ terrible. It was really hard to let go of my people, the team I built from the ground up. It was hard to give up and walk away. I spent three years being a buffer for these people. Helping them navigate a pandemic. Keeping them out of harms way and taking the punches. I just couldn’t do it anymore. The burnout is real.

I moved to the ICU in a lesser position. It’s been an experience, for sure. I have been in a supervisor role for so long that being in a role where I have no say in anything was refreshing and fucking weird. The people I work for and with are fantastic. I’d follow them to hell and back, so having no control is fine with me. They are so kind. I’m grateful for the break.

I worked really closely with ICU for years so the move wasn’t really a big change other than the work environment improved 100%. They asked for me, and I’m so glad they did. Because, I don’t know that I would have moved on my own. I loved the team I built and feared what would happen when I left (turns out everything I feared unfolded about a week after I transferred. Ugh).

May is their birthday week. It’s also our anniversary month. While at work, one of the ICU nurses that I work closely with asked me a question that I answered truthfully. It led to me giving a quick synopsis of their suicide and the aftermath. The nurse, Jon, spun around and looked me in the eyes and said: “Wow, what a douchebag”. When I say I laughed, oh my stars. That’s the first time I’ve had that reaction from someone. I laughed and replied “Yeah, a little”. Jon started to apologize. I was still laughing. Truthfully, it was a welcome response. Had it been 5 years ago this would have put me in mental choke hold. I explained that, and that he had no reason to be sorry. I then explained that for the most part, they didn’t have a choice in their thoughts or actions; I told Jon the diagnosis. I will never forget his response. Never. Because it was the first time anyone had ever completely understood the situation. He locked eyes with me and said “So, they blamed you then. They left a note blaming you didn’t they?”. The world spun. It fuckin’ spun for the first time in a while. I’d never told anyone. Jon went on to say something to the effect of (don’t quote me here my brain was coming to a full stop at this point): “people with that diagnosis, their chemicals are all messed up and they blame the spouse.” I’d never had anyone understand the situation, or connect the dots so completely like that. I never had anyone point this out. I don’t think I knew this was common.

He had no idea what he did for my soul that day. She did leave a note. She did blame me. I blamed me. I blame me even though I know logically it wasn’t in my hands.

It’s true that ICU is a different animal. Apparently it’s the one I didn’t even know I needed.

XOXOX

Catriona

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Dec 19 2022
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Broken Head, Everyone needs a blowup Doll!, GIVE ME AN STD!, I NEED A PROSTATE, I NEED AN STD!, I never cry, My sadness is no weakness., Randumb, Support group needed, We need a mail order slut, Yo.

Is it really the Holidays?

Cuzz it doesn’t feel like it. Maybe it’s because I didn’t get a tree this year. Maybe it’s because I’m burnt out. Maybe it’s both.

My Christmas tree is one of, maybe, three things I look forward to all year. It’s a like sign I made it another year. Ha, maybe that’s why I didn’t end up getting one this year, because I’ve been crashing and burning my way thru this year. So, it’s fitting that I didn’t get the thing I look forward to most.

Burn out is real.

I was going to do Christmas cards.

I was going to make chocolate covered oreos and hot coco bombs for my team and family.

I was going to make Christmas cookies for the first time since the pandemic.

I pulled everything out to do it. Then looked around and realized I don’t feel very merry and neither does my house. I climbed back in bed and waited for the day to be over so I could go to work. Night shift, wooooo.

I keep trying to be festive but between roadblocks and burnout, I think I’m done. I’ll try again next year. Lol.

Catriona

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Sep 05 2022
4 Comments
Bitches Be Trinppin', Everyone needs a blowup Doll!, GIVE ME AN STD!, Give me the info, I NEED A PROSTATE, I NEED AN STD!, Randumb, We need a mail order slut, Yo.

OK, but now in French

Has anyone ever tried to read a physical book using a “Scan and Translate” App? No? Well, fuck. Guess we are going to find out how annoying *that* is. Hahaha.

A dear friend of mine wrote a book of her life and it happens to be in French. I’d been holding off on buying it. I have been trying to figure out how to get it in English as I am, sadly, only fluent in one language (two if you count sarcasm). She and I suck at communicating through E-mail, hahhahah (You get my E-mails yet? I have sent you all means of contact, lol). Anywayyyyy now I have a French book headed to my non-French home. BAHAHA. We are going to see how much gets lost in translation, hahaha.

I mean really this is my fault. I keep meaning to learn, and become fluent in, another language . BUT I CANNOT MAKE UP MY MIND WHICH ONE! It’s an important decision. I mean, I don’t want to waste what few brain cells I have left on the wrong one! lol. French is very high on the list. It’s in the top 3. I mean, also, I don’t even have time to brush my hair so learning a new language seems impossible.

In a surprising turn of evens my phone has told me to kick rocks and refuses to download google translate. BAHAHA. Stayed tuned for how much French kicks my ass. LOL.

I just keep thinking I need to figure out which country I want to be in once my kid graduates, because really that will dictate which language I stress my brain out with, cuzz you know, I’m getting old.

OK! I am off to day drink (keep your pants on, it’s regular drinking for me cuzz I work the night shift) and eat snacks.

Catriona

xoxoxo

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Aug 28 2022
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Because it's illegal to set people on fire, Bitches Be Trinppin', Broken Head, Crap I don't want to talk about, Everyone needs a blowup Doll!, GIVE ME AN STD!, I NEED A PROSTATE, I NEED AN STD!, I never cry, My sadness is no weakness., Over emotional, Support group needed, We need a mail order slut

I lost grip of my PTSD.

I had that bitch head locked for about 3 years. I pinned her to a wall and was in control for a while.

You know what happens when you shove something intelligent in a box? It evolves to release it self. Don’t ever underestimate how intelligent PTSD is.

I lost grip of her several months back. Ok, over 6 months back.

I knew it was happening; My plants were dying. My house wasn’t dirty, but it wasn’t clean. I was working harder and sleeping less. I was taking on more and juggling it all to fill the spaces PTSD wanted to occupy. I was forcing interaction. But my PLANTS. lol. I usually live in a forest. They are all just about dead.

Now I’m strategically avoiding all unnecessary interaction without a thought. I realized today just how bad it was.

PTSD, or Pansy, for those who have been with me for a while has evolved. While she is not as aggressively loud and obnoxious in random intervals as she used to be, she is constant now, albeit a dull roar. I’m actually not even sure which is worse.

I worked 16 day straight just to shut her the fuck up. And now because I’m a good lead, I gave away a day of my overtime (today) for one of my dispatchers who needed it. So, first day off in 16 days and I’m sitting here alone in my house staring at my responsibilities. They are staring back.

I just want to build a cabin in the middle of the woods and lose my mind in peace. However, I can’t keep track of my family that way so, here we have the problem. lol. I’m fully aware that the Universe built my kid to be the anchor that keeps me in check. Backfired though. Because, the thing that would be released should my kid be removed from this world would be unimaginable.

I’m supposed to be flying into town in the beginning of September to help my brother with our Mom and I don’t even know how to fake being put together at the moment. I am just hoping they will both be too occupied with the fact that Mom is actually dying from Cancer now to notice my undoing. I don’t even have my ticket yet, that’s how much of a grip I have. Well, to be fair it was so fucking expensive that I almost fell out of my chair when I went to book it. I was hoping the closer I get it would go down in price. I was also hoping the sky would fall and I wouldn’t be able to go – how fuck up is that? Yeah. I know.

The check engine light was late and I knew it.

Catriona

XOXOX

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