It’s 5pm and I am only now just starting my day. Working night shift …..hold on, I have to fix my dog’s beloved treat windmill………….Sorry. LMAO.
Working night shift is rough but I’m not sure I could go back to days. Or even 8 hour days. How do you guys do that? ughhhh.
Some of my coworkers bought me the most beautiful birthday cake. Annnnnnd I’m eating it for breakfast.
I should be doing school work, butttttttt I’m not. LOL.
Catriona
XOXOXOX
I have so many entries in my drafts that I start and then forget to finish. Here’s one, and in true Catriona fashion, I’m going to publish it. I’m just not going to finish it. lol
I met with the financial advisor for my Kid’s school.
Federal loans will only help about 4k a semester with two semesters a year.
I will have to take out a loan to the tune of $158,000.
Now granted this includes food (bare min) and dorm.
My better half and and I are kicking around the idea of buying a really crappy trailer and upgrading it to a tiny home with no frills so that all our cash flow can go towards college. I’m not against the idea. my only concern is my old dog. She’s 80lb and not small. I don’t know how comfortable of a life that would be for her. She deserves a comfortable retirement. With the amount of work she has put into this family, she deserves it. So, I’m a little apprehensive about that. I’ve looked into the solar options, I can set it up to monitor and alarm for dangerous temperatures while I’m away. I guess I just worry.
Catriona
XOXOXOX
Browsing through blogs here, when I find a new one/first post, I usually comment “Welcome!”.
I did that yesterday on a rando as I was reading blogs. The person replied asking how I found their site, and then promptly deleted their blog. What the what? Mkay sketchball. LOL
I wasn’t even being creepy, this time! I was just being nice, commmmmme backkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!
Bahahhaha what the hell, people.
Catriona
XOXOXOX
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After Phoenix died I was a mess. I just didn’t know it.
A close friend told me I needed to go find another dog, stat. I thought she was nuts. But, morning after morning I looked over the bedside before I put my foot down so I didn’t step on a dog that wasn’t there. I moved to the side in the hallway, for a dog that wasn’t there, I constantly looked for a dog that wasn’t there, and left the bedroom door open for a dog that just wasn’t there. The list goes on, and on, and on.
So, I looked on all the sites, and hated every one of them. They were all cute. But, they weren’t mine. Months went by. Then I saw a photo, and even though he was in a different state and wayyyyy more money than I would have liked to spend, I immediately knew I would be taking him home. My better half immediately agreed, and later paid for him because they couldn’t stand how broken I was.
We drove to Georgia, and he wasn’t exactly what the breeder said he was. But, in the end, that is ok.
Atlas
Atlas & Randle
If you are asking yourself: “Is that..?” yep, it is. That is indeed a Malinois. At the time, I wasn’t looking at the breed, I was looking at his face.
I guess it is on brand for me. lol. My dogs are always big, and kinda dangerous. The fact that they named him Atlas is also funny given my love for antique maps.
He’s currently tell me it is time to go outside, soooooo ……..
Catriona
XOXOXOX
I knew this year wasn’t going to be great. lol. But, I didn’t have to be right. You know?
My better half’s grandmother was dying so we flew out to Maine. It snowed, her parents did what they do best, and I tired to pretended not to see it so I didn’t have to show my temper. It was hoot.
That’s all I got.
Catriona
XOXOXO
I don’t want to.
I’ve been up all night. 🤷🏽
Cooked eggs. What did you guys do?
If you’ve never used this seasoning, you should.
That is all.
Catriona
XOXOX
WordPress says today is my 11 year anniversary of being here. Weird.
I’m a long way away from 11 years-ago-me. HA.
I also made the spiciest paster evvvver tonight. I’m glad It way just for me. I don’t think my family would have survived. bahahaha.
Also. I covered my Mom’s room with coke. So. There is that.
That is all.
XOXOXOX
Catriona
(Trigger Warning – allll the suicided)
Several months ago I stepped down from my position and moved departments. Took a pay cut.
The department I was in was so toxic. We are talkin’ daily verbal and professional assault. It was fuckin’ terrible. It was really hard to let go of my people, the team I built from the ground up. It was hard to give up and walk away. I spent three years being a buffer for these people. Helping them navigate a pandemic. Keeping them out of harms way and taking the punches. I just couldn’t do it anymore. The burnout is real.
I moved to the ICU in a lesser position. It’s been an experience, for sure. I have been in a supervisor role for so long that being in a role where I have no say in anything was refreshing and fucking weird. The people I work for and with are fantastic. I’d follow them to hell and back, so having no control is fine with me. They are so kind. I’m grateful for the break.
I worked really closely with ICU for years so the move wasn’t really a big change other than the work environment improved 100%. They asked for me, and I’m so glad they did. Because, I don’t know that I would have moved on my own. I loved the team I built and feared what would happen when I left (turns out everything I feared unfolded about a week after I transferred. Ugh).
May is their birthday week. It’s also our anniversary month. While at work, one of the ICU nurses that I work closely with asked me a question that I answered truthfully. It led to me giving a quick synopsis of their suicide and the aftermath. The nurse, Jon, spun around and looked me in the eyes and said: “Wow, what a douchebag”. When I say I laughed, oh my stars. That’s the first time I’ve had that reaction from someone. I laughed and replied “Yeah, a little”. Jon started to apologize. I was still laughing. Truthfully, it was a welcome response. Had it been 5 years ago this would have put me in mental choke hold. I explained that, and that he had no reason to be sorry. I then explained that for the most part, they didn’t have a choice in their thoughts or actions; I told Jon the diagnosis. I will never forget his response. Never. Because it was the first time anyone had ever completely understood the situation. He locked eyes with me and said “So, they blamed you then. They left a note blaming you didn’t they?”. The world spun. It fuckin’ spun for the first time in a while. I’d never told anyone. Jon went on to say something to the effect of (don’t quote me here my brain was coming to a full stop at this point): “people with that diagnosis, their chemicals are all messed up and they blame the spouse.” I’d never had anyone understand the situation, or connect the dots so completely like that. I never had anyone point this out. I don’t think I knew this was common.
He had no idea what he did for my soul that day. She did leave a note. She did blame me. I blamed me. I blame me even though I know logically it wasn’t in my hands.
It’s true that ICU is a different animal. Apparently it’s the one I didn’t even know I needed.
XOXOX
Catriona
Cuzz it doesn’t feel like it. Maybe it’s because I didn’t get a tree this year. Maybe it’s because I’m burnt out. Maybe it’s both.
My Christmas tree is one of, maybe, three things I look forward to all year. It’s a like sign I made it another year. Ha, maybe that’s why I didn’t end up getting one this year, because I’ve been crashing and burning my way thru this year. So, it’s fitting that I didn’t get the thing I look forward to most.
Burn out is real.
I was going to do Christmas cards.
I was going to make chocolate covered oreos and hot coco bombs for my team and family.
I was going to make Christmas cookies for the first time since the pandemic.
I pulled everything out to do it. Then looked around and realized I don’t feel very merry and neither does my house. I climbed back in bed and waited for the day to be over so I could go to work. Night shift, wooooo.
I keep trying to be festive but between roadblocks and burnout, I think I’m done. I’ll try again next year. Lol.
Catriona