Yesterday was her birthday.
Several days before that would have marked 9 years married.
Memory problems keep me protected for the most part.
Feeling suicidal?. .Click here
Need to talk? Catrionaiscrazy@gmail.com
Now, I need some more coffee since they don’t serve whiskey at the hospital.
Catriona
Xoxoxo
Grief is a weird thing. It looks different on everyone.
Recently, I lost a friend from work. She was an amazing human. Always had an answer and a smile. She was always helpful. Even when the pandemic made it hard to be.
I took it pretty hard. My better half must have known. Came home with a pretty blue bag filled with “The stages of grief”. It was literally a bag of pastries. Each one names after a stage. I laughed so hard.
I ate “Anger” for dinner that night, funny enough.
“Depression” was amazing. But, “Bargaining” , “Bargaining” couldn’t have been any better.
I guess what I am trying to say is get yourself a partner that will bring you a little blue bag of feelings when you’re sad. Hahahah.
Catriona
XOXOXOX
AAHAHAHAHAHAH. I am done for today. I. AM. SO. AMUSED.
So, earlier I was standing at my stove waiting for my water to boil while eating a left over quesadilla. I get this, like, shock to my entire jaw when I first bite into food. It’s so painful. It’s been that way as long as I can remember. Howevvvvvvver that’s not saying much as we all know my memory. Annnyyyyyywayyyyy. It suddenly hit me that maybe its not normal? LOL. Everyone feels like they’re getting punched in the face every time they eat, right? RIGHT?!
Turns out, nope. Nope, everyone does not feel like they are getting punch in the face when they eat. Ok, but that’s not the part that caught my attention (wait for it). So I looked it up. It’s called “first bite syndrome” (wait for it. Also, accurate naming doctor people, great job). It’s damage, usually as a complication to surgery, to the sympathetic innervation of the parotid gland leading to parasympathetic overactivity (waaaaaait for it). It can also be caused by tumors. Getting First bite syndrome is apparently very rare (wait for it). However, have no fear there are treatments!
THERE IT IS! BOTULINUM. hahahaha I’m dead. Offfff Course that’s that answer. That is enough of the interwebs for me.
XOXOXOX
Catriona
Anyone order a Breakthrough PTSD episode? Anyone? No? Must have been me.
It’s my own fault. I got cocky. I poked the bear too many times in too short of a time period. Coming back here. Reading old entries. Allowing my brain the open that file again. Looking at things I usually avoid.
Cleaning my room out, trying to get rid of things. Somehow my oldest computer is out and my kid is calling my name. I look up and “I found something”. The look on my kid’s face. Sigh.
It was in the disc drive of the computer I’ve avoided for years.
I’m a crying mess. I haven’t been like this in over two years. Turns out I’m not better, I’m just busy. Hahahah. Fuck. FUCK.
Now I’m sleeping (not sleeping at all) next to my laundry because cleaning came to a screeching hault.
Can we not? Can we not do this? Fuckkkkkkkk. It’s 3:56am and I have to be up at 9 for the kid’s ortho and then work. The sky was weird today; I knew I shouldn’t have pushed my luck.
Catriona
Xoxoxo
If you have ever wondered what I would look like with actual botox: it’s not good. I got a sneak peak this week after having the pleasure of a root canal. They had to hit me so many times with numbing meds, they blew up my lip and face. It was hysterically awful. I then sauntered over to work. Couldn’t talk well, completely numb up to my eyebrow, it was a good time. One I will have the pleasure of enduring again in about a week as they couldn’t complete the procedure because the tooth was so jacked up. How do people do this more than once? Hell to the no thank you.
In other news snap chat has an amazing filter you should all try and then show me:
Go on. Don’t be shy.
Welp, that’s all I got. I don’t know what to do with myself now that I’m not a good candidate for botox. What ever shall I do? Lol
Catriona
Xoxoxo
It’s crazy to think it’s only been the last two years that I can say my head and life are back in order. Looking back on some of my posts.. it’s crazy to see how long I’ve been gone (from here) and just how messy my brain was then.
I miss being here. I miss writing. I always mean to stop by even for a few mins. A few sentences. And with the exception of the last two years, I have drafts and drafts of entries I always meannnnn to publish. Lol.
I think I am going to try to set a goal to write more (in the open), because the last two years I’ve held down a business and a full time job. I’ve done nothing but those two things. I haven’t even been reading, no time. Just work and sleep.
Rushing in to catch up on all of you, I was shocked to see how many followers I’d lost. Like, really lost. Passed. I’m gutted I didn’t know. It makes sense, unfortunately, as you know: Covid. But that doesn’t make me feel any better about it.
I decided I needed to start reading again, no matter how busy I am. That’s how I ended up here. To catch up on all of you. There’s a lot of you, so it will take me a bit. I’m not as all over the place as I once was, you know, after (I forgot my own rules, do I tell you guys my spouse’s name? Lmao) died. So let’s hope I can keep my own attention long enough to get to all of you. Ahahah
Let’s do a photo dump for old times sake, see what’s in mah phone. Shall we?
Hahah. My phone is a weird place.
Hugs,
Catriona xoxox
My better half had this weird thing with winning me cows from various fairs, machines, and weird game stands. I don’t even know how it started. Lol. We had two particular stuffed cows that were my favorite Henfers. (Better Half named all cows “Hefner”, it was hilarious). One was obnoxiously large and round. The other was so tiny, you couldn’t help but laugh at the sheer ridiculousness. Both Hefners lived on our bed for years.
Unfortunately, I only have one Hefner left. The small one. It’s now locked in a box I had made for my son….I will go into that another time…
Every cow I received had this goofy friggen look on its face. The kind you could be Earth-Shatteringly-Angry, and still couldn’t keep a straight face if you saw one of these things. So, as you can imagine I can’t see a cow, even a real cow, without laughing like an idiot. Every. Damn. Time. It’s made worse if the cow desides to throw a “Moo” at me. I can’t see a cow, or hear a cow, without smiling like an idiot.
Annnnnddddd then there’s the part where I live close to cows pastures. I can’t really go anywhere without seeing a cow. It’s a bit obnoxious, really. Even my son has started to notice. We’ve been taking long walks lately, and just sort of exploring. Recently he looked up and said “MOM! Hefner got huge!”. I laughed, the cows started Mooing, we laughed more… I had to eventually pull us away. Which really proved hard, as their were cow fields on both sides of us for a good twenty minutes. Anyone passing us by would have thought we were nuts.
It’s been over a year since she died. Yeah guys; I said she.
The thing about me coming back to writing is that while I was away… We will say “someone”… decided that stalking me on the internet, cloning my media sites, posting fake nudes… Yeah, you read that right…. Throwing all of my private information (including the town I live in, my son’s name and nick names, my business information, including this blog) out in the open while at the same time harassing anyone and everyone they could. The idea was to ruin my reputation. The idea was to pop the safe little bubble I had created to protect my son and myself from the internet… Because parenting, and privacy… However it didn’t work. Those who knew me laughed and kept on truckin’. Those who didn’t know me, sort of shook their heads in disgust, but came back to me with questions.. Concerns.. Because what was posted and said was so bizarre. In the end none of it matters other than I no longer have the privacy I once had, and really at this point: fuck it. LMAO
You see, if you have been following me regularly I generally use gender neutral pronouns for my better half. Was I ashamed, you ask? Hell no! I didn’t want readers to get stuck on WORDS. I didn’t want it to be even more obvious of who I was. Lol. I skimmed over things that would easily identify me. But, “someone” has made it so that it is easily tracible to who I am. So, from now on, it’s going to be all out in the open… Watch out internet, BECAUSE NOW I REALLY HAVE NO FILTER! LMAO.
So, join me on this new journey of letting it all hang out… And finally knitting some penis socks.
Catriona
XOXOXOXOX
After almost a year long hiatus, I’m BACK!
You guys don’t know how much I have missed you. Without you I have had no place for my useless rambling to go! HA. Except at those in my direct vicinity. Heh. You’errrrrr Welcome, guys….
While I have stumbled back in the door here like some drunkin’ Salor, HhhheeeeyyyyyYYYYYYY, I’ve also revived my twitter. So, STALK ME.
HOW ARE YOU ALL? TELL ME! TELL ME! TELL MMMMEEEEE!
Just a quick update – Don’t worry. I will be Bach.
Catriona
XOXOXO
I’ve got the worst headache, EVER.
I’ve named him Fernando.
Fernando popped up around the time I started to deal with the lawyers, and such.
It’s gotten to the point that I’m talking to him. Don’t worry, I’m not hearing any answer, yet.
I’m still awake because Fernando won’t shut up.
Let’s look through my phone and see if there’s anything that will take my mind of the horrid pain in my head, shall we?
This is actually true. Hahah
This one is also true. Hahha.
This just makes me laugh.
That’s all for now. Lol.
Fernando it picking at my eye. So. Ouch. Sleep… Come. To. Me.
Oxoxoxoxox
Catriona