Tag Archives: PTSD

May 26 2014
10 Comments
ASK CATRIONA, Broken Head

To answer your questions

My other half did survive. I’m not sure I did.

It’s a struggle every day. There was permanent damage, still recovering. May never recover.

I am a single parent again, taking care of 3 people on one income. My poor son was diagnosed with PTSD last week, too. The whole house is damaged.

The universe and I are fighting.

My son, for the first time in his life has asked for a big Birthday party with his whole class and just one gift. It just so happens that the gift is very expensive. This is a kid that never asks for anything, so I am struggling to make these things happen. Sigh, I’m failing at the moment, and on a time crunch. Friggen’ Time, I wish I could stop it. I may actually take up standing on the corner, lol.  I was asking for an STD a while back so this is fitting, don’t you think?  haha.

I know I haven’t responded to anyone, I will, I’m just a wreck. I will tho, when I find my head, or an STD.

Catriona

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Mar 21 2014
19 Comments
Broken Head

Broken head and the sunset

Life has been so horrifying these days. I’ve been officially diagnosed with PTSD. Not that it needed to be official, I’m displaying symptoms so apparent even the mail man is looking at me funny. Not the one that heard the STD convo, unfortunately. That was at Grams house.

I was starting to really think I was psychotic. Really. But both “specialists”  assure me this is “normal”, ha. I can’t deal with friends, I can’t look at photos, I can’t handle crowds even if there are vintage items involved. Simple inanimate objects trigger a fight or flight response that is just not rational. I just want to be alone. I feel better when I’m alone. I’m not dealing well with anything. I can’t do the things I love, I don’t even know if I love them any more. The spaces in my brain that used to be filled will endless knowledge are filled with the same file I just cannot delete.  It’s like my brain and senses are stuck on an endless loop of emotional terrorism. I live with earbuds flooding my brain with the loudest, most complicated music I can find,  in order  to keep the file from taking over my head completely.

It’s gotten so bad that I walk for hours on end, blasting music, like some how if I keep moving it will keep the darkness away.

I understood PTSD before, but I really didn’t. I hope none of you ever, ever do.

Under the BUnder a bridge.

on the bridgeStanding on the same bridge days later.

pt tripping 3I’ve been walking the canals a lot.

Catriona

 

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