Who do I have to sleep with…. (NSFW).. and um, Clown. I think.

to get some damn Horseradish Cheese?! Seriously.

I am serious, who?

 

 

I have no idea what I’m going to write about, and yet I can already tell I am going to need to add a NSFW disclaimer. Although.. I am SURE if you have been paying any amount of attention – that probably should go without saying. Haha. But, just in case we have any newbies ..let me just slap that up there..alright annnnnd we are good.

It seems I’ve been coming to write here less and less. I should knock that off.  So MANY things have happen in the last 6 months. Terribly bad things, and some incredibly enjoyable (and then some). So I think we should play “Catriona Catch up”, which for the record, is waaaaay different than “Catriona Ketchup”. That’s just a friendly FYI if you didn’t already know.

Alright, on with the Recap of how fucked Catriona’s life is! Hahahah.  It’s not going to be very detailed, for the most part. I just feel we should all be on the same page here. lol.

So if you have been following me, and there are a lot of you that do (I see you), you know the month of February was life altering annnnnnnd I lost my face. And my head, and some other things I really need. My son’s other parent went into the ICU at the same time as one of my closest friends. Both were close to death.  (Oh and my sister committed the ultimate betrayal.)

Then the months kind of blend together. Hell lived in my house, and my heart.

My friend went from losing a leg, to having two heart attacks, and several other potentially life ending situations, to a nursing home. It continues to be a “Fresh Hell” rollercoaster every day for him (and those who love him).

In April, April? Yeah April, no. Maybe May? I have no idea. Anyway, one of those months brought my mother the gift of Cancer, again.  I was still on my face from February.  

June brought out the inner tool in my brother (who lives with my mother), which apparently doesn’t take much these days from what I can tell. He will never redeem himself from the things I have since seen and heard. Never. 

I dropped some weight. Lost my boobs. If anyone locates them, please return to the address labeled.

Also in June -I traveled to see my mother. She is dying. We’ve become closer than ever. She’s a mess, but we are dealing with it.  I stayed with my best friend who single handedly healed some of the broken parts of my head that had been smashed into dust in the previous months, in less than 2 weeks. I will forever be in his debt. I love you, Mocha.

I got to consume Horseradish cheese. (SCORE!)

I finally figured out what rhymes with “Hug me”. BAHAHAHAHA.

What else, what else…oh yeah..

I got to hear someone actually say this to me:

“My penis is not going anywhere near your mouth. For both of our sakes.”

HAHAHAHHAAHHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH. 

 

 

I tweeted this (in case you missed it):

when a guy

and I'm not sorry

Lets see.. what else happen?

 

OH, I threw my son a Minion party. It was a blast.

IMAG0933

 

IMAG0432

I wrapped water bottles in duct tape and made, sigh, twinkie (gack) minions. hahha. It was held outdoors. You know you did something right when every child goes home covered in mud from head to toe. lmao. My son loved it

 

Lets see…

OH OH OH! I found the Golden Tip!

IMG_20140614_121035

I know you were looking for it. You are welcome. 

 

This also happened:

Screenshot_2014-06-10-11-46-51

HahAhhaAH The boxes in white are me.

.

.

Screenshot_2014-04-14-22-06-55

Weird stuff goes down in my phone. LMAO

.

.

hmmm what else happened in the last few months…

I learned the truth about bananas:

nana

I think that’s all I got.

I think you are all caught up.. WAIT NO. THIS HAPPENED TO ME:

10516922_682878978450364_1063614990_n

This was sent to me via my Best Friend, and I, um. I love clowns I do. BUT WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!

FUCK. Now I have to go put up a Clown warning. .

Alright, I think we are done with the recap. HAHAHAH!

Also, I’m just going to leave this here: 

hahahha

Hope you all are well, LMAO.

Catriona

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15 thoughts on “Who do I have to sleep with…. (NSFW).. and um, Clown. I think.

  1. For the record, the clown lady hose beast? Is from a show called “Metalocalypse”. She is a backup performer for Dr. Rockso, a cartoon (though how far off can that be?) version of David Lee Roth. So. Watch the video. I can’t guarantee that all will be explained, but at least it’s some insight into what in the hell is up with the pompom hair tart clown.

  2. onewithclay says:

    Last time I felt like this I had just been through a Circus Funhouse. Rolling barrel/tunnel, mirrors, weird other, so’s your mother. Wonder how long till I feel “normal.” How did you spend the money? And–thanks!

  3. Always great to hear from you – but OMG that lady who isn’t a homosapiens! Well, she’s clearly correct ’cause “sapiens” has to do with INTELLIGENCE!!!

  4. Catriona, my love, if I were a cad, I would tell you that you had to sleep with me to get horseradish cheese. But I am not, and so I will tell you that I actually bought half a pound of it at the grocery store three blocks from my house and topped burgers with it, because a burger without horseradish is McDonald’s. Their deli sliced it off a brick about the size of Butte, Montana, so I’m pretty sure there isn’t a shortage, at least in suburban Cleveland. (And hoping that the niceness will get you to sleep with me anyway, ’cause that whole finishing last thing? That’s a load.)

  5. Cleveland! I think I need you! HAHAH!

  6. […] Who do I have to sleep with…. (NSFW).. and um, Clown. I think.. […]

  7. Morguie says:

    Awww, my weird buddy: I am sorry to hear about your Mom. :/ I am glad to see you here and back to posting again, though. Haven’t seen any boobs lying around. But, hey..have you seen any stray tentacles around? I’ve managed to lose a few as usual. They are not all accounted for…if not, no worries. I’ll just have to grow them back, and that is such a damned pain in the ass. You’d think I’d learn by now…apparently that won’t be possible, at my age. I’ve decided that since I just turned 50 that I officially don’t have to learn anymore…in fact I am now practicing to UNLEARN shit, on a daily basis…

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