Annnnnd I swear I’m not a crackhead

Hi guys,  I have no Internet where I am so writing/posting /life is hard. 

A quick update: my Grandmother is not ok. I can’t go into it, and I will fill you in when I can.  But,  what I can say is I am full time caregiver of my Grandmother.  She is getting a divorce, and I have managed to get a place for all three of us to stay for the next few months until I can get first,  last,  and security for a place that will fit us all. I am Miles/HOURS away from the town and life I knew,  as to keep my Gram safe. 

At this moment,  I have no place to go in four months, have another dependant,  and yet to get enough funding to secure a permanent place, SMH.

My Gram’s Divorce is a NIGHTMARE. Nightmare.  I can’t even begin to explain.

I feel like a ping bong ball,  and I swear I donno which way I am going.  I just pray that I can get the money for a place soon.

I’m in this sleepy little town alone with my Gram and kid. Thank the stars I can walk to most places as Gram doesn’t drive,  and neither do I.  She’s not functioning,  so I’m it.  Just me.  I love her so much. I just hope she recovers  from all of this. 

So,  I went to the little market about 25 mins down the road.  I grabbed the fruit, bacon, and Jam that I needed,  asked the cashier to put my items in plastic,  then in paper,  as it was so hot out,  and off for home I went. 

So,  I am walking home,  it’s so hot I can feel my mascara sticking to itself,  and my phone rings. I answer it,  and I am talking trying to jungle the phone,  and this giant damn paper bag while making my way down the road….. And then my flip flop rips apart. I kid you not, this thing just exploded,  there was no saving it.  It looked like I stepped on land mine.  I’m twenty mins from home,  walking bare foot in a small town,  carrying a bag that I am sure looked like beer, sweat pouring into my eyes to the point that I could not see,  my mascara turning into toothpaste on my eyelids causing me to twitch,  talking on the phone,  all the while trying to cross the one and only crosswalk, pretending I don’t know I look like a complete and utter homeless crackhead.  Hahahahah.

I’ve been here less than a week and I’m already making a fantastic impression. Lmao. 

Really,  I swear sleepy town,  I’m a hot mess,  but not THAT kind..

I just want to reach out to ALL of you that have been so wonderful to me. I’ve received notes and emails just checking in.  It means the friggen world to me.  I’ve received donations to my God under…. Did Auto Correct just correct “gofundme”  to “God under”?  What? GOD IS UNDER WHERE?! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.  Er. Em.  Ehem.. Anyway… To my GoFundMe,  and I’m so grateful,  I wish I could express.  I’ve received e-cards and even  a life like portrait someone drew of me that I CANNOT wait to share.  It’s so flippin beautiful. I will be sharing that as soon as I can get to a place with Internet to properly link and showoff,  and stuff. 

Just.  Thank you,  all.  I WILL respond to all of you,  like always.  Just give me a few.  I’m working threw my phone only,  and it’s a bitch.  I just typed this all on my phone.. My thumbs hurt.  Lol

I love and hug you all.  All the time. 
Xoxoxox
Catriona

SCREAMING

This morning, my Grandmother called me to invite me to see my Aunt, who came in last night. She didn’t sound right, and her “I just didn’t sleep” excuse didn’t sit right with me. We weren’t expected to see each other for hours, but I started to get dressed. It’s only an hour walk and something didn’t seem right.

By the time I pulled my pants on, Gram’s number flashed accross my phone. I didn’t get it in time, so I called back. My son, who was visiting for the afternoon picked up and I will never forget his words.

I think my Grandma just had a stroke.

I got nauseous. I knew it. He was in tears. I ran out the door and sped toward my Grandmother. My son stayed on the phone with me. The Paramedics came and then WENT because her Husband refused to let her go to the hospital,  insisting she was fine. I heard this and made the 60 min walk in 25 mins.

I walked in and she was sitting at the table with her Husband  (not my Grandfather,  he died years ago) and it took her a min to recognize me. First flag. Her behavior was not that of my grandmother. She was slow, and only half there. I said something about a Doctor,  and her Husband JUMPED DOWN my throat. I knelt at my Grandmother’s feet and asked her “Do you trust me?” She slowly said “of course”, and I so I looked her in the face and said “Then I need you to trust me that you’re not ok, you need to come to the hospital with me, your husband is wrong.”

He started screaming about throwing me out of the house, and HE WAS THE MAN OF THE HOUSE (Charming, no?). But, she descreetly nodded her head, and I set about getting her to the hospital.

30 mins later, a fight and threats of harm coming to me “when I least expect it”, I had my grandmother in the ER. They skipped intake because of how visible her symptoms were. She indeed had had a stroke.

My. Grandmother. Had. A. Stroke.

WHAT THE FUCK. Seriously have my son and I not suffered enough? Have I not lost enough, not to mention what I am about to lose with my housing situation. 

I’m still sitting in the hospital. She was admitted. She is still slurring, But awake. She’s still slow, but I’ve been making her laugh for hours. She’s going to be here for days.  And so am I. I’m not leaving her side.

You guys already know who I am since I posted my GoFundMe, so I get to be lazy and post things from my Facebook instead of rewriting them. ha.

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I hadn’t eaten all day, I can’t go to the cafe, it triggers my PTSD (I’d rather not go into it I’m sure you can guess), but I have to bribe people to go to the cafe for me, but it flippin closes at 4pm. wth? Upon hearing that I hadn’t eaten, one of the nurses brought me anything that didn’t contain meat, that she could get her hands on. hahah.

I guess it pays to have spent years in and out of this place with my spouse that the nurses STILL know me. Sigh.

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I refused to leave the hospital. Went toe to toe with my Grandmother’s Husband, and the Hospital Staff. I won.

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I’m driving her nuts in the best kind of way. My grandmother is very proper. And I’m the only one that would get away with returning from the in room bathroom to say: “Don’t worry Grams, I didn’t pee in your hat.”

I’m not going to sleep for days. She’s sleeping now, and I’m fighting anxiety issues, and trying to pretend I’m fine every time to opens her eyes to make sure I haven’t left.

Please Universe,  take it all from me, but not her. Not yet.

Catriona

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Reaching out, Outing myself to the world

The last few years have been hard (heard HORRID). For those of you you regularly follow me, you know.

I’ve written anonymously here for years. I had always intended to keep it that way. I also always intended to be happily married without PTSD, with no reason to ask for something like this. Ha. Life. (Don’t know what PTSD is like for me? Click here.)

If you had asked me a year ago if things could get much worse, I would have laughed. 

One of my biggest flaws is refusing to ask for help. I’ve been working on it since the Universe hit the reset button on my life in Feb 2014. Click here if you don’t remember. Or Here. Or Here Or Here Or heck, heck take a gander from Feb 2014 to present. 

I’m drowning, and I need help.

Never in my life have I had to do anything like this But, I am doing this for my son.

I’m losing my home. (Hold on, PTSD is calling me away)

Ok, I’m back.

I made a Gofund me account yesterday, and had to put all of my horrible life details on the internet, for all to see, in hopes that I will get help.

Life has let my son down, so, so many times. I just can’t let that happen again, so I swallowed my pride and my fear, and I am outing myself to the World.

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This is my son and I.

And I am asking for help.

gofund.me/vwme5d5d

My stars, you don’t know how hard this is for me.

Even if you just SHARE this, that will help me.

Anyone that helps us will get a card from us, updating how we are, when we are settled.

I know everyone has issues, and If you can’t help THAT IS OK. But, if you can, even a little, you would be helping two people who will forever be grateful, and who ALWAYS Pay it Forward.

 And you will get a card from my kid, he loves sending cards. lol

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart for even reading this.

OXOXOX

Catriona

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Nope

I’m at a loss. Life has been just ridiculous. Lol.

The last month has brought me some horrid pain.

Not only was this month my Anniversary, it would have been 2 years. It was my Exes Birthday, but it’s also the month I found out that a dear friend of mine has passed away.

I found out via a fucking Google search. The family never phoned me. I felt it. I ran away from it for a while. I finally Googled him to make myself face it.
So alone in my office, I read one of my closest friend’s Obituary. He had been gone over a month by the time I got to the obituary. I was never told, never given the chance to attend this Sevices. He left April 2nd. Hell month. Great. And the day my favorite Grandfather died. Great. Thanks for all that, Universe.

Seriously, WTF. WTF?

This same friend that lost his leg, and almost his life the same month I found my wife dead in our bed is now also gone.

I’ve been out of work, and between my financial ruin, my love affair with Pansy, and the vendetta The Universe has for me, I’m tired. I’m just so tired.

I’m tired of being used. Someone always gets something out of being close to me. What have I gotten? Ha. I’m tired of working my ass off and getting no where. I’m tired of thinking positively, helping others, and getting walked on.

I’m tired.

Catriona

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Nope

I’m at a loss. Life has been just ridiculous. Lol.

The last month has brought me some horrid pain.

Not only was this month my Anniversary, it would have been 2 years. It was my Exes Birthday, but it’s also the month I found out that a dear friend of mine has passed away.

I found out via a fucking Google search. The family never phoned me. I felt it. I ran away from it for a while. I finally Googled him to make myself face it.
So alone in my office, I read one of my closest friend’s Obituary. He had been gone over a month by the time I got to the obituary. I was never told, never given the chance to attend this Sevices. He left April 2nd. Hell month. Great. And the day my favorite Grandfather died. Great. Thanks for all that, Universe.

Seriously, WTF. WTF?

This same friend that lost his leg, and almost his life the same month I found my wife dead in our bed is now also gone.

I’ve been out of work, and between my financial ruin, my love affair with Pansy, and the vendetta The Universe has for me, I’m tired. I’m just so tired.

I’m tired of being used. Someone always gets something out of being close to me. What have I gotten? Ha. I’m tired of working my ass off and getting no where. I’m tired of thinking positively, helping others, and getting walked on.

I’m tired.

Catriona

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Cupcakes have landed!

Quick update 

I have started to receive photos of traveling Cupcakes! (hahah! you guys kill me)

I will start posting them soon.

If you think you should have received stickers and didn’t, shoot me an E-mail. :) I just got a new batch in, and am going down my list.

I sent a bunch internationally, I have no idea how long it will take to get to you, so, uh, just keep waiting? LOL

I have been contacted about my traveling cupcakes…new project in the works….get your name in, and keep the photos coming!

I have too much laundry that needs to be folded.

I wish I could take a vacation, or a cruise. Anyone want to take me on a cruise? I don’t put out tho. 

I have no idea what I am cooking for dinner.

I keep being poked at about a SnapChat account. Should I sign up for the garbage? Would you be my Snapchat friend? LMAO?

Whatelse…..ummmm……….I have no idea. HA

Happy Sunday!

Catriona

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Do you need dating advice? My 10 year old can help.

Apparently my 10 year old son knows more about dating than I do. 

We walked by a bridal store today. These stores NEVER catch my eye. Ever. But the dress in the window caused me to come to a complete stop. It was stunning. I muttered something about weddings. And the most bizarre conversation then proceeded to take place between my son and I:

Well if you want to get married, there are steps you know. You have to date. Then you fall in love. Then you have a baby. Then you get married. – Kid

*raised eye brow* Oh?

Yes. You need to date. – Kid

Um. No, I don’t.

Yes, you do. It would be good for you. – Kid

What? How would you know. 

I just do. – Kid

I don’t need to date, Kid. I am fine. 

No, you need to start dating. It will get your mind of (insert contents on my brain, here). – Kid

WHAT? That is not how it works child. You don’t date to get your mind off things and people. You do it to find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. It just so happens I am not down for that at this moment. 

Yeah, I know, but it will help, and you could find someone… That would make you happy, and wear that dress. *giggles* – Kid

Whoa kid. No, I am not wearing that dress, and I am not dating. 

Yes you are. – Kid

No, I’m not. I am not interested in dating, at all. The dress was beautiful, that’s all. 

Now, mind you, this entire conversation took place at one of our local shopping centers.

You should be. – Kid

What? Why?

Because you are beautiful, and you should date while you are still beautiful. – Kid

WHAT? *lols* are you saying time is running out on my beauty? *woman rounds the corner to come down the isle* Trust me lady, you don’t want ANY of this isle. 

*giggles* You should just try. – Kid

I have tried. 

WHAT DID YOU DO TO MESS IT UP? – Kid

Oh my starts kid, I didn’t mess it up (almost dying in laughter now). It just didn’t work. 

WHAT DID YOU DO? – Kid

I didn’t DOOOO anything. It just didn’t work out. 

You need to start dating again, mom. – Kid

WHAT DO YOU GET OUT OF IT, CHILD?

Nothing, I just think it will help you. – Kid

Help me what?

Well, I am getting older you know, what happens when I am not around? – Kid

YOU ARE TEN.

Yeah. You should date. – Kid

Oh my god, Kid. 

You can go on dinners and fall in love, and forget about (insert other parent). – Kid

That’s not how it works. 

Just do it. *pointing to Nike shoes* – Kid

Kid, you are killing me. I am going to sell you on the Black Market. 

No you’re not. – Kid

Yes I am. Stop touching stuff. You are getting your boy hands all over the girly stuff. 

Don’t change the subject. – Kid

I am selling you *Yells out in the middle of the store* CHILD FOR SALE!

*Falling over giggling* – Kid

I donno why you are laughing. I am selling you RIGHT NOW. 

Nope. You are going to start dating RIGHT NOW. – Kid

Yeah. Right after I sell you. 

Fine. You know you attract a lot of attention. It would be easy for you. – Kid

CHILD, CHILD FOR SALE! *all four ladies in line are laughing, the cashier is shaking her head. Though I am not sure which one of us should was more unimpressed with.* What the hell, kid. I will date when I am ready. 

Now? – Kid

NO.

How about now? – Kid

I am going to leave you here.

I know how to get home. – Kid

I am running away. 

With a date? – Kid

OH MY STARS CHILD. 

It went on like this for about an hour. Apparently I need to start dating. He doesn’t care who. He doesn’t even care what I do, I just need to date, someone, anyone. LMAO.

I couldn’t sell him btw. No one would take him. Maybe they figured he gave faulty advice. 

I have got to go to bed. Maybe I will find a date there.

OXOXOOX

Catriona

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Rabid Cupcake Epidemic

Quick update on the spreading of Rabid Cupcakes:

WHOA, you guys surprised me! I really didn’t think I would get that many requests.  lol

I have so many requests that when I get more stickers I will go down my list :) You can also go and buy stickers HERE along with all the other ridiculous stuff I posted when I was bored.

I have sent out the first round of stickers, STD style. So, if you requested one, and you were one of the first 40, you will see it soon!

Remember, I don’t care where you stick it, or even if anyone else can see it (stick the fucker under a public bench for all I care), all that matters is that WE know it’s there. BAHAHAH. 

I used my credit to get more stickers, so if you didn’t make this round, I will get you next round!

Thank you all for being so supportive, and so willing to indulge me and my craziness. hahah

Not much going on other than the mail man at the Post Office giving me the hairy eyeball when I came to the counter with an arm full of envelopes from CatrionaisCrazy.com.

“What’s this?” – Old Post guy

“Uh, um, a letter?” – Me

“You have a lot of them, what’s in them, and what’s this website?” – Old Post Guy

“It’s not drugs, I swear.” – Me

*From behind me* “CATRIONA!” – Gram

“Yes Gram?” – Me

“Are you sure there’s no drugs in all of these envelopes?” – Old Post guy

“YES, she is SURE.” – Gram

*Me to Gram* “How do YOU know?” – Me

“CATRIONA!” – Gram

“Ok, international stamps are required.” – Old Post Guy…….

BAHAHAHHAHAHA!

As we were walking out:

“I cannot believe you did that.” – Gram

*Giggle* – Me

“I take that back, I will not be attending the Post with you any more.” – Gram

“Well it really wasn’t drugs.” – Me

“CATRIONA!” – Gram

“Well it wasn’t!” – Me

“I cannot believe you.”-  Gram

“Yes you can.” – Me

My poor Gram. LMAO. 

If you have no idea what I mean about stickers, or you didn’t get your name in, I’m still taking names, and will be sending out stickers when I get more! Click here for more info !

XOXOXOOX

Catriona

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Do you support Rabid Cupcakes?

So, I have these stickers I received as a test to see how they would come out:

Support

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd now. I have 40 of them. Hahhaha. So. I have decided that I want to see them all over! I gave some to my son (Stars knows where he will stick them….) So here is the deal: The first 40 people to send me a mailing address will get a Sticker! BUT the catch is you have to send me a photo of where you stuck it. Doesn’t matter if it’s under a bridge where no one sees it, you still have to send a photo! (Sigh, keep it semi clean). 

So, send your *mailing info to Catrionaiscrazy@gmail.com & if you are lucky, you might get a sticker.

Support 2

Then, send a photo of the sticker and the location, to the same address. If you don’t want to include a location that is fine.

Rude photos will be laughed at, and then deleted.

I wanna see how far I can get the stickers to travel, STD style! who’s interested?

XOXOXOXO

Catriona

*Any mailing info collected will not be shared, and only used for this purpose.

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No one’s got time for that, Batman.

My kid, I tell ya.

So today I was sitting on the couch messing with my phone as my son played Mincraft.

annnnnd then Pandora does what it loves to do: scare the crap outa me by starting up by itself.

annnnd the song was GREAT. And by GREAT I mean it was horrid, but my son’s reaction was fantastic.

*spins around to glare in my direction* “What the?! Is that Batman? WHAT is that? That’s terrible. No one’s got time for that, Batman.” – Son

So naturally, I downloaded it, and set it as my texting ring tone. And since I have been talking to my brother all day, every day (a boring story), it didn’t take long for it to play.

“WHAT. WHY?” -Kid

*laughing so hard I fall over on the couch* “What?” – Me

“WHY BATMAN? WHY?” – Kid

“What, you don’t like that song?” -Me

“No, I certainly do not.” – Kid

“But you like Batman.” – Me

“BUT WHY IS HE TALKING LIKE THAT?” – Kid

I giggle, and he goes back to playing. I mute the sound so he doesn’t hear it go off.

About 30 mins later, I turn the sound back on:

“Seriously? you chose THAT as your ring tone? Dirty Batman.” – Kid

“OK, time to go shopping.” – Me

So, we get into the grocery store and it goes off:

“REALLY? You are ok with people hearing that???” – Kid

“Sure, why not?” – Me

*Whips out his phone* “I am going to spam you so everyone can hear it” *evil grin* – Kid

*Pulls phone out of pocket and holds it up so everyone can hear* “OK” – Me

“Oh my God, you don’t care.” -Kid

“Nope” – Me

“Why don’t you care? It’s HORRIBLE. And it’s Batman.” – Kid

“It’s not Batman, it’s Manson.” -Me

“It’s Crazy. And it’s Batman.” – Kid

“It’s Manson.” – Me

“Why’s he calling himself ‘Daddy’? – Kid

“Does Batman Call himself Daddy?” – Me

“No.” -Kid

“Because it’s Marilyn Manson.” – Me

“No.” – Kid

I laugh harder than one should in an store, and shut it off. The subject then went to what kind of tomatoes were are going to get.

When we get home I put everything away, and turn the the notifications on my phone back on. I walk up the stairs and am just about in my room when it goes off. This is what I hear from down stairs:

“NOOOOOOooooo Marilyn Batman!”

BAHAHAHHAHAHAH!

It really is a horrid song. It’s Marilyn Manson and …..Wait for it…..Avril Lavigne. Yeah. What? 

The beginning is Manson’s growly voice saying “Lay your head in daddy’s lap, you’re a bad girl.”

If you want to hear a horrid song click HERE.

And for those who are going to listen and then scream that I let my son listen to THAT. He’s only heard the beginning. Also, he plays XBOX. He’s already heard everything under the Sun. 

XOXOXOXOX

Catriona

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